12.6 Góa hoat-hiān chi̍t-ê thian-jiân ê thô͘-tōng
Che koh hō͘ góa siūⁿ-khí éng-kòe chhiâng-chāi su-khó ê būn-tê, its góa chho͘-chhù hoat-hiān Thiⁿ-kong tùi lán seng-oa̍h tiong tú-tio̍h hûi-hiám ê sî ê hit-chióng jîn-chû chêng-hoâi. Put-ti put-kak tiong-kan, lán tit-tio̍h kî-biāu ê kái-kiù. Lán tú-tio̍h khùn-kéng, giâu-gî koh tiû-tû, m̄-chai tio̍h kiâⁿ tó chi̍t-tiâu lō͘ ê sî, chi̍t-ê sîn-pì ê àm-sī tō ín-tō lán kiâⁿ chit-tiâu lō͘, sui-bóng lán ê ì-sek, lán ê pún-ì, a̍h sīm-chì tāi-chì ê lí-lō͘ lóng kiò lán kiâⁿ hit-tiâu lō͘, m̄-koh chi̍t-ê m̄-chai lâi-lō͘, m̄-chai sè-le̍k ê kî-koài sim-lí ìn-siōng khiok pek-sú lán kiâⁿ chit-tiâu lō͘. Sū-āu chèng-bêng, ká-sú lán kiâⁿ hit-tiâu lō͘, hit-tiâu lán eng-kai kiâⁿ, lán jīn-ûi pit-su kiâⁿ ê lō͘, kiat-kó lán chá tō í-keng húi-bia̍t, í-keng sit-lo̍h.
Kin-kì chiah-ê hām chit-khoán ê hoán-séng, góa ūi ka-tī tēng chi̍t-ê kui-chek: múi-kái góa sim-lāi chhut-hiān chit-chióng sîn-pì àm-sī a̍h sim-lí chhiong-tōng, kiò góa tio̍h chò siáⁿ a̍h mài chò siáⁿ, tio̍h kiâⁿ chit-tiâu a̍h hit-tiâu lō͘ ê sî, góa tō chun-siú chit-ê pì-bi̍t chí-sī, sui-bóng góa m̄-chai ū siáⁿ lí-iû tio̍h án-ne, góa só͘ chai ê kan-ta sī góa sim-lāi ū chi̍t-ê chhiong-tōng, ū chi̍t-ê àm-sī tī-leh. Tī góa ê it-seng, iû-kî sī tòa tī chit-ê put-hēng tó-sū ê āu-kî, góa ē-tàng the̍h-chhut chē-chē chit-chióng hêng-ûi ê sêng-kong àn-lē. Lēng-gōa, mā ū chē-chē tiûⁿ-ha̍p, hit-sî nā ū chit-chūn ê gán-kong, góa tiāⁿ-tio̍h mā ē chù-ì tio̍h che. M̄-koh o̍h kia̍t éng-oán bē siuⁿ bān. Góa khǹg hiah-ê hèng siūⁿ ê lâng, jû-kó in ê seng-oa̍h tiong ū góa chit-chióng bô pêng-siông ê tāi-chì, a̍h sī sui-bóng bô chiah-nī bô pêng-siông, mā m̄-thang khin-sī Thiⁿ-ì ê chit-chióng pì-bi̍t àm-sī, m̄-koán he àm-sī sī lâi chū siáⁿ-mih khòaⁿ bē-tio̍h ê sîn-bêng. Iú-koan chit-tiám, góa bô boeh tī chia thó-lūn, mā bô hoat-tō͘ kái-soeh. M̄-koh, chit-chióng àm-sī, siōng-bô ē-tàng chèng-bêng, he sī sim-lêng ê kau-liû, sī ū-hêng ê sū-bu̍t hām bô-hêng sū-bu̍t ê sîn-pì kau-liû, chit-chióng chèng-bêng éng-oán to bē-tàng hóⁿ-tēng. Tī góa to̍k-ki chit-ê àu só͘-chāi ê í-āu ji̍t-chí, góa chiong ū ki-hōe thê-kiong chi̍t-kóa bêng-hián ê lē.
Góa siong-sìn, tho̍k-chiá eng-kai bē kám-kak kî-koài, jû-kó góa sêng-jīn, kóng, in-ūi chiah-ê kò͘-lī, chiah-ê góa seng-oa̍h tiong put-sî ê hûi-hiám, hām chit-sî góa cho-siū ê tam-iu, hāi góa thêng-chí só͘-ū ê hoat-bêng, hām it-chhè góa ūi bī-lâi khiā-ke hām lī-piān só͘ chò ê siat-kè. Góa taⁿ tùi an-choân ê koan-sim khah chē kòe tùi saⁿ-tǹg ê koan-sim. Góa m̄-káⁿ tèng teng-á, m̄-káⁿ phòa-chhâ, kiaⁿ he siaⁿ hông thiaⁿ tio̍h. Kāng-khoán, góa koh-khah m̄-káⁿ phah-chhèng. Siōng iàu-kín ê sī, góa tùi hiâⁿ-hóe kám-kak chiok put-an, khióng-kiaⁿ he ian tī jit-sî hn̄g-hn̄g tō ē hông khòaⁿ-tio̍h, ē chhut-bē góa. In-ūi án-ne, góa kā hiâⁿ-hóe chit-hāng tāi-chì, chhin-chhiūⁿ sio thô͘-hûi a̍h chò hun-chhoe tt poaⁿ kàu tī chhiū-nâ ê sin chhù. Tī hia, keng-kòe chi̍t-tōaⁿ sî-kan, góa hoat-hiān chi̍t-ê thian-jiân ê thô͘-tōng, che hō͘ goáa kám-kak kóng bē-chhut ê an-ùi. Chit-ê thô͘-tōng put-chí-á tn̂g, góa káⁿ-kóng, tō kóng chheⁿ-hoan lâi kàu tōng-kháu, i mā m̄-káⁿ ji̍p-khì thàm-hiám. Láu-si̍t kóng, jīm-hô lâng mā m̄-káⁿ, tî-hui sī chhiūⁿ góa chit-khoán kui-sim teh chhōe an-choân chhàng sin ê ūi ê lâng.
Chit-ê thô͘-tōng ê khang-kháu sī tī chi̍t-lia̍p tōa chio̍h-thâu ē-kha. Chi̍t-kang, góa tī hia chhò-chhâ boeh chò hóe-thòaⁿ, bô-ì-tiong hoat-hiān chit-ê soaⁿ-tōng, che nā m̄-sī Thian-ì, lán tō kā kóng-chò sī ì-gōa. Kè-sio̍k chìn-chêng, lán seng kóng sī án-chóaⁿ góa boeh chò hóe-thòaⁿ. Thâu-chêng kóng kòe, góa m̄-káⁿ tī chū-só͘ hiâⁿ-chhâ, m̄-koh góa chóng tio̍h chò pháng, chú bah, tt. Só͘-í, góa koat-tēng lâi chia sio chhâ, àn-chiàu góa tī Eng-kok khòaⁿ-kòe ê hoat-tō͘, kā khàm tī chháu-phí ē-bīn, án-ne he chhâ-kho͘ tō ē piàn-sêng hóe-thòaⁿ, tán hóe hoa liáu-āu, kā hóe-thòaⁿ chah tńg chhù, tī su-iàu iōng hóe ê sî, sio hóe-thòaⁿ tō bô seⁿ hun-ian ê hûi-hiám.
Che sī sūn-sòa kóng ê. Hit-sî góa tī hia teh chhò-chhâ, góa kám-kak chi̍t-châng kē-chhiū-á ê chho͘ chhâ-oe āu-bīn, ká-ná ū chi̍t-ê khang-khang ê só͘-chāi. Góa kám-kak hòⁿ-kî, tō kòe-khì kā khòaⁿ. Keng-kòe chi̍t-chūn chhia-piàⁿ, góa lâi kàu tōng-kháu, khòaⁿ he tōng put-chí-á tōa, iā tō sī kóng, ū-kàu góa khiā khí-lâi, hoān-sè iáu ē-tit ke chi̍t-ê lâng. M̄-koh, góa mā tio̍h sêng-jīn, chi̍t-ē ji̍p-khì, góa sûi hiong-kông cháu chhut-lâi. Tng góa ǹg lāi-bīn khòaⁿ ê sî, lāi-bīn àm bong-bong, góa khòaⁿ tio̍h nn̄g-lúi kim sih-sih ê ba̍k-chiu, m̄-chai he sī siáⁿ seng-bu̍t, sī kúi a̍h lâng, góa mā m̄-chai, ná nn̄g-lia̍p thiⁿ-chheⁿ án-ne sih-ah-sih. Tōng-kháu ê bî-kng chiò ji̍p-lâi, chō-sêng hoán-siā.
Put-jî-kò, sió thêng-khùn liáu-āu, góa hôe-ho̍k tìn-chēng, khai-sí kiò ka-tī sī gōng-tai, jīn-ûi, kiaⁿ tú-tio̍h kúi ê lâng, bô sek-ha̍p to̍k-sin tòa chit-ê tó 20 nî. Góa káⁿ siong-sìn, tī leh tōng lāi-bīn, bô siáⁿ pí góa koh-khah khó-phà ê mi̍h-kiāⁿ. Chū án-ne, kó͘ khí ióng-khì, góa tiám to̍h chi̍t-ki hóe-pé, gia̍h tī chhiú, koh-chài ji̍p-khì. Koh kiâⁿ bô saⁿ-pō͘, hām thâu-chêng kāng-khoán, góa iū kiaⁿ kah pòaⁿ-sí. In-ūi góa thiaⁿ tio̍h thó͘-tōa-khùi ê siaⁿ, he put-chí-á tōa-siaⁿ, ká-ná sī lâng kan-khó͘ teh haiⁿ, sòa-lo̍h sī chi̍t-chūn bô liân-sòa ê siaⁿ, ká-ná ōe kóng chi̍t-pòaⁿ, koh-lâi iū-koh sī chi̍t-chūn tōa-khùi. Góa kín ta̍h tò-thè, heh kah chhut chi̍t-su léng kōaⁿ, ká-sú hit-sî góa thâu-khak tì bō-á, he tiāⁿ-tio̍h hō͘ thâu-mo͘ giâ kah boeh lak-lo̍h, góa iáu m̄-chai thang hoán-èng.
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12.6 我發現一个天然 ê 塗洞
這 koh 予我想起往過常在思考 ê 問題, its 我初次發現天公對咱生活中拄著危險 ê 時 ê 彼種仁慈情懷. 不知不覺中間, 咱得著奇妙 ê 解救. 咱拄著困境, 憢疑 koh 躊躇, 毋知著行佗一條路 ê 時, 一个神祕 ê 暗示 tō 引導咱行這條路, 雖罔咱 ê 意識, 咱 ê 本意, a̍h 甚至代誌 ê 理路 lóng 叫咱行彼條路, 毋過一个毋知來路, 毋知勢力 ê 奇怪心理印象卻迫使咱行這條路. 事後證明, 假使咱行彼條路, 彼條咱應該行, 咱認為必須行 ê 路, 結果咱早 tō 已經毀滅, 已經失落.
根據 chiah-ê 和這款 ê 反省, 我為家己訂一个規則: 每改我心內出現這種神祕暗示 a̍h 心理衝動, 叫我著做啥 a̍h 莫做啥, 著行這條 a̍h 彼條路 ê 時, 我 tō 遵守這个祕密指示, 雖罔我毋知有啥理由著 án-ne, 我所知 ê 干焦是我心內有一个衝動, 有一个暗示 tī-leh. Tī 我 ê 一生, 尤其是蹛 tī 這个不幸島嶼 ê 後期, 我會當提出濟濟這種行為 ê 成功案例. 另外, mā 有濟濟場合, 彼時若有這陣 ê 眼光, 我定著 mā 會注意著這. 毋過學 kia̍t 永遠袂 siuⁿ 慢. 我勸 hiah-ê 興想 ê 人, 如果 in ê 生活中有我這種無平常 ê 代誌, a̍h 是雖罔無 chiah-nī 無平常, mā 毋通輕視天意 ê 這種祕密暗示, 毋管 he 暗示是來自啥物看袂著 ê 神明. 有關這點, 我無欲 tī chia 討論, mā 無法度解說. 毋過, 這種暗示, 上無會當證明, 彼是心靈 ê 交流, 是有形 ê 事物和無形事物 ê 神祕交流, 這種證明永遠 to 袂當否定. Tī 我獨居這个漚所在 ê 以後日子, 我將有機會提供一寡明顯 ê 例.
我相信, 讀者應該袂感覺奇怪, 如果我承認, 講, 因為 chiah-ê 顧慮, chiah-ê 我生活中不時 ê 危險, 和這時我遭受 ê 擔憂, 害我停止所有 ê 發明, 和一切我為未來徛家和利便所做 ê 設計. 我今對安全 ê 關心較濟過對三頓 ê 關心. 我毋敢 tèng 釘仔, 毋敢破柴, 驚 he 聲 hông 聽著. 仝款, 我閣較毋敢拍銃. 上要緊 ê 是, 我對燃火感覺足不安, 恐驚火煙 tī 日時遠遠 tō 會 hông 看著, 會出賣我. 因為 án-ne, 我 kā 燃火這項代誌, 親像燒塗瓷 a̍h 做薰吹 tt 搬到 tī 樹林 ê 新厝. Tī hia, 經過一段時間, 我發現一个天然 ê 塗洞, 這予我感覺講袂出 ê 安慰. 這个塗洞不止仔長, 我 káⁿ 講, tō 講生番來到洞口, 伊 mā 毋敢入去探險. 老實講, 任何人 mā 毋敢, 除非是像我這款規心 teh 揣安全藏身 ê 位 ê 人.
這个塗洞 ê 空口是 tī 一粒大石頭下跤. 一工, 我 tī hia 剉柴欲做火炭, 無意中發現這个山洞, 這若毋是天意, 咱 tō kā 講做是意外. 繼續進前, 咱先講是按怎我欲做火炭. 頭前講過, 我毋敢 tī 住所燃柴, 毋過我總著做 pháng, 煮肉, tt. 所以, 我決定來 chia 燒柴, 按照我 tī 英國看過 ê 法度, kā 崁 tī 草疕下面, án-ne he 柴箍 tō 會變成火炭, 等火 hoa 了後, kā 火炭扎轉厝, tī 需要用火 ê 時, 燒火炭 tō 無生薰煙 ê 危險.
這是順紲講 ê. 彼時我 tī hia teh 剉柴, 我感覺一叢低樹仔 ê 粗柴椏後面, ká-ná 有一个空空 ê 所在. 我感覺好奇, tō 過去 kā 看. 經過一陣捙拚, 我來到洞口, 看 he 洞不止仔大, 也 tō 是講, 有夠我徛起來, 凡勢猶會得加一个人. 毋過, 我 mā 著承認, 一下入去, 我隨兇狂走出來. 當我 ǹg 內面看 ê 時, 內面暗摸摸, 我看著兩蕊金 sih-sih ê 目睭, 毋知彼是啥生物, 是鬼 a̍h 人, 我 mā 毋知, ná 兩粒天星 án-ne 爍 ah 爍. 洞口 ê 微光照入來, 造成反射.
不而過, 小停睏了後, 我回復鎮靜, 開始叫家己是戇呆, 認為, 驚拄著鬼 ê 人, 無適合獨身蹛這个島 20 年. 我 káⁿ 相信, tī leh 洞內面, 無啥比我閣較可怕 ê 物件. 自 án-ne, 鼓起勇氣, 我點 to̍h 一支火把, 攑 tī 手, 閣再入去. Koh 行無三步, 和頭前仝款, 我又驚 kah 半死. 因為我聽著吐大氣 ê 聲, 彼不止仔大聲, ká-ná 是人艱苦 teh 哼, 紲落是一陣無連紲 ê 聲, ká-ná 話講一半, 閣來又閣是一陣大氣. 我緊踏倒退, 嚇 kah 出一軀冷汗, 假使彼時我頭殼戴帽仔, he 定著予頭毛夯 kah 欲 lak 落, 我猶毋知 thang 反應.
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12.6
This renewed a contemplation which often had come into my thoughts in former times, when first I began to see the merciful dispositions of Heaven, in the dangers we run through in this life; how wonderfully we are delivered when we know nothing of it; how, when we are in a quandary as we call it, a doubt or hesitation whether to go this way or that way, a secret hint shall direct us this way, when we intended to go that way: nay, when sense, our own inclination, and perhaps business has called us to go the other way, yet a strange impression upon the mind, from we know not what springs, and by we know not what power, shall overrule us to go this way; and it shall afterwards appear that had we gone that way, which we should have gone, and even to our imagination ought to have gone, we should have been ruined and lost. /
Upon these and many like reflections I afterwards made it a certain rule with me, that whenever I found those secret hints or pressings of mind to doing or not doing anything that presented, or going this way or that way, I never failed to obey the secret dictate; though I knew no other reason for it than such a pressure or such a hint hung upon my mind. I could give many examples of the success of this conduct in the course of my life, but more especially in the latter part of my inhabiting this unhappy island; besides many occasions which it is very likely I might have taken notice of, if I had seen with the same eyes then that I see with now. But it is never too late to be wise; and I cannot but advise all considering men, whose lives are attended with such extraordinary incidents as mine, or even though not so extraordinary, not to slight such secret intimations of Providence, let them come from what invisible intelligence they will. That I shall not discuss, and perhaps cannot account for; but certainly they are a proof of the converse of spirits, and a secret communication between those embodied and those unembodied, and such a proof as can never be withstood; of which I shall have occasion to give some remarkable instances in the remainder of my solitary residence in this dismal place.
I believe the reader of this will not think it strange if I confess that these anxieties, these constant dangers I lived in, and the concern that was now upon me, put an end to all invention, and to all the contrivances that I had laid for my future accommodations and conveniences. I had the care of my safety more now upon my hands than that of my food. I cared not to drive a nail, or chop a stick of wood now, for fear the noise I might make should be heard: much less would I fire a gun for the same reason: and above all I was intolerably uneasy at making any fire, lest the smoke, which is visible at a great distance in the day, should betray me. For this reason, I removed that part of my business which required fire, such as burning of pots and pipes, &c., into my new apartment in the woods; where, after I had been some time, I found, to my unspeakable consolation, a mere natural cave in the earth, which went in a vast way, and where, I daresay, no savage, had he been at the mouth of it, would be so hardy as to venture in; nor, indeed, would any man else, but one who, like me, wanted nothing so much as a safe retreat.
The mouth of this hollow was at the bottom of a great rock, where, by mere accident (I would say, if I did not see abundant reason to ascribe all such things now to Providence), I was cutting down some thick branches of trees to make charcoal; and before I go on I must observe the reason of my making this charcoal, which was this—I was afraid of making a smoke about my habitation, as I said before; and yet I could not live there without baking my bread, cooking my meat, &c.; so I contrived to burn some wood here, as I had seen done in England, under turf, till it became chark or dry coal: and then putting the fire out, I preserved the coal to carry home, and perform the other services for which fire was wanting, without danger of smoke. /
But this is by-the-bye. While I was cutting down some wood here, I perceived that, behind a very thick branch of low brushwood or underwood, there was a kind of hollow place: I was curious to look in it; and getting with difficulty into the mouth of it, I found it was pretty large, that is to say, sufficient for me to stand upright in it, and perhaps another with me: but I must confess to you that I made more haste out than I did in, when looking farther into the place, and which was perfectly dark, I saw two broad shining eyes of some creature, whether devil or man I knew not, which twinkled like two stars; the dim light from the cave’s mouth shining directly in, and making the reflection. /
However, after some pause I recovered myself, and began to call myself a thousand fools, and to think that he that was afraid to see the devil was not fit to live twenty years in an island all alone; and that I might well think there was nothing in this cave that was more frightful than myself. Upon this, plucking up my courage, I took up a firebrand, and in I rushed again, with the stick flaming in my hand: I had not gone three steps in before I was almost as frightened as before; for I heard a very loud sigh, like that of a man in some pain, and it was followed by a broken noise, as of words half expressed, and then a deep sigh again. I stepped back, and was indeed struck with such a surprise that it put me into a cold sweat, and if I had had a hat on my head, I will not answer for it that my hair might not have lifted it off. /
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