6.6 Kî-kiû lêng-hûn kái-thoat chōe-gia̍t ê tāng-tàⁿ [Gí-im]
7 goe̍h chhe 3 -- Pēⁿ bô koh hoat-chok, m̄-koh thé-la̍t ê oân-choân ho̍k-goân tio̍h kúi lé-pài í-āu. Chi̍t-bīn teh hôe-ho̍k thé-la̍t tang-tiong, góa put-sî siūⁿ tio̍h Sèng-keng ê chit-kù ōe:
"Góa ē kiù lí," tān-sī góa jīn-ûi bô tit-kiù ê khó-lêng, só͘-í bô ǹg-bāng he.
Kō͘ chit-chióng koan-liām hō͘ ka-tī sit-chì ê tang-tiong, hut-jiân góa kak-ngō͘ tio̍h, kui-sim siūⁿ boeh tī khùn-kéng tit-kiù, soah bô siūⁿ tio̍h ka-tī í-keng tit-kiù. Só͘-tì, góa án-ne mn̄g ka-tī: Góa kám bô ùi pēⁿ-thiàⁿ tit-kiù? Che kám m̄-sī chin kî-miāu? Che kám m̄-sī hō͘ góa ùi siōng put-hēng, siōng khó-phà ê chōng-hóng tit-tio̍h kái-kiù? Góa kám ū án-ne siūⁿ, ū chò kai chò ê tāi-chì? Sîn í-keng kiù góa, góa soah bô o-ló I. Tō sī kóng, góa bô kā he khòaⁿ chò sī kái-kiù, mā bô kám-un, án-ne ná ū khó-lêng ǹg-bāng koh-khah tōa ê kái-kiù? Che hō͘ góa ê sim tōa kám-tōng, góa sûi kūi lo̍h-lâi, tōa-siaⁿ kám-siā Sîn hō͘ góa ùi pēⁿ-thiàⁿ khong-ho̍k.
7 goe̍h chhe 4 -- Chá-khí, góa the̍h Sèng-keng, ùi Sin-Iok khai-sí, góa khai-sí jīn-chin tha̍k, iau-kiû ka-tī ta̍k-kang chá-khí hām àm-sî lóng tio̍h tha̍k chi̍t-ē, bô hān-tiāⁿ tio̍h tha̍k gōa-chē, sûi ka-tī ê sim-chêng tha̍k tō hó. Jīn-chin tha̍k keng bô kú, góa ê sim tō chhim-chhim siū kám-tōng, kak-ngō͘ ka-tī kòe-khì seng-oa̍h ê chōe-gia̍t. Bāng-tiong ê ìn-siōng koh chhut-hiān:
"It-chhè chiah-ê tāi-chì lóng bô hō͘ lí hoán-hóe," chit-kù ōe ín góa chhim-su.
Góa chin-sim kiû Sîn hō͘ góa chhàm-hóe ê ki-hōe. Hut-jiân, kāng hit-kang, teh tha̍k Sèng-keng ê sî, góa tú tio̍h chit-kù:
"I hông li̍p-chò Thài-chú hām Kiù-chú, hō͘ lâng chhàm-hóe, hō͘ lâng tit-kiù."
Góa phiaⁿ-lo̍h chheh, góa ê sim hām chhiú gia̍h ǹg thiⁿ, tī chi̍t-chūn tōa hoaⁿ-hí tang-tiong, hoah-siaⁿ kóng:
"Iâ-so͘, David ê kiáⁿ! Lí sī Thài-chú, sī Kiù-chú! Chhiáⁿ hō͘ góa chhàm-hóe ê ki-hōe!"
Che sī góa it-seng tē-it pái chin-chin chiàⁿ-chiàⁿ ê kî-tó. In-ūi, góa ê kî-tó í-keng ì-sek tio̍h ka-tī ê chōng-hóng, chit-pái kî-tó sī siū Sîn ê Ōe ê kó͘-lē, só͘ phō ê hi-bāng í-keng hû-ha̍p Sèng-keng ê koan-tiám. Ē-sái án-ne kóng, chū chit-pái khai-sí, góa hi-bāng Sîn thiaⁿ ē-tio̍h góa ê kî-tó.
Taⁿ, góa khai-sí kō͘ hām kòe-khì bô-kāng ê koan-tiám, lâi lí-kái góa thâu-chêng thê-khí ê hit-kù ōe:
"Kiò góa, góa ē kiù lí."
Hit-sî, góa tùi kái-kiù bô siáⁿ kài-liām, kan-ta siūⁿ-tio̍h ka-tī hông ùi hit-sî ê khùn-kéng kiù chhut, in-ūi góa tī chit só͘-chāi sui-jiân chū-iû chū-chāi, m̄-koh chit-ê tó tùi góa si̍t-chāi sī kàm-ga̍k, sī sè-kài siōng-bái ê kàm-ga̍k. Tān-sī taⁿ, góa o̍h ē-hiáu bô-kāng ê lí-kái: góa hôe-thâu khòaⁿ kòe-khì ê seng-oa̍h, sim-lāi tio̍h-kiaⁿ, góa ê chōe-gia̍t chhim-tāng. Só͘-tì, góa bô kiû Sîn siáⁿ-mi̍h, kan-ta ài-boeh lêng-hûn kái-thoat teh tī sin-khu ê chōe-gia̍t tāng-tàⁿ. Seng-oa̍h ê ko͘-toaⁿ, he bô sǹg siáⁿ. Góa bô kî-kiû ùi he tit-kiù, mā bô siūⁿ tio̍h he. Pí khí lêng-hûn ê tit-kiù, he bô sǹg siáⁿ. Góa te̍k-pia̍t tī chia thê-khí chit-tiám, sī boeh hō͘ tho̍k-chiá chai-iáⁿ, chí-iàu in tùi tāi-chì ū chin-si̍t jīn-bat, tō ē hoat-hiān, ùi chōe-gia̍t kái-thoat pí ùi khùn-khó͘ kái-thoat koh-khah hok-khì.
Taⁿ, mài koh kóng che, lán tńg-khì góa ê ji̍t-kì.
Góa ê chōng-hóng tī chit-chūn, sui-bóng tī seng-oa̍h iáu-sī pi-chhám, m̄-koh sim-chêng í-keng chiok khin-sang: in-ūi keng-siông tha̍k-keng hām kî-tó, kā góa ê su-sióng ín-tō hiòng khah chhiau-thoat ê mi̍h, tī hia tit-tio̍h í-chêng m̄-bat ū ê tōa an-ùi. Lēng-gōa, góa ê kiān-khong hām thé-la̍t mā tit-tio̍h hôe-ho̍k, góa bián-lē ka-tī, an-pâi khang-khòe, chīn-la̍t kòe chèng-siông ê seng-oa̍h.
Ùi 7 goe̍h chhe 4 kàu 14, góa chú-iàu ê oa̍h-tāng sī chah chhèng chhut-mn̂g, sì-kè kiâⁿ-kiâⁿ leh; chò chi̍t-ê phòa-pēⁿ tú-chiah hó ê lâng, góa chi̍t-pái kiâⁿ chi̍t-chat-á, tán thé-la̍t khah hó, chiah kiâⁿ khah hn̄g. Chin pháiⁿ sióng-siōng, hit-sî ê góa sī gōa-nī hi-jio̍k, gōa-nī bô-la̍t. Góa sú-iōng ê tī-pēⁿ hong-hoat sī choân-sin ê, hoān-sè í-chêng bô-lâng án-ne tī-liâu kòe kôaⁿ-jia̍t-chèng. Kō͘ chit-ê si̍t-giām, góa mā bē-tàng thui-chiàn chit-ê chò-hoat. Chit-ê hong-hoat sui-bóng siau-tî góa ê pēⁿ, tān-sī i hō͘ góa ke chin hi-jio̍k; ū chi̍t-tōaⁿ sî-kan, góa ê sîn-keng hām sù-ki keng-siông kiù-kin.
Góa mā ùi chia o̍h-tio̍h chi̍t-ê kàu-hùn: tī hō͘-kùi chhut-mn̂g, tùi góa ê kiān-khong ū tōa-hāi, iû-kî sī hong-thai-hō͘. In-ūi ta-kùi ê sî nā lo̍h-hō͘, éng-éng ē tòe hit-chióng hong-thai-hō͘, só͘-tì góa hoat-hiān, ta-kùi ê hō͘ pí 9 goe̍h hām 10 goe̍h lo̍h ê hō͘ koh-khah hûi-hiám.
(2023-3-13)
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6.6 祈求靈魂解脫罪孽 ê 重擔 [語音]
7 月初 3 -- 病無 koh 發作, m̄-koh 體力 ê 完全復原著幾禮拜以後. 一面 teh 回復體力當中, 我不時想著聖經 ê 這句話:
"我會救你," 但是我認為無得救 ê 可能, 所以無 ǹg 望 he.
Kō͘ 這種觀念予家己失志 ê 當中, 忽然我覺悟著, 規心想欲 tī 困境得救, 煞無想著家己已經得救. 所致, 我 án-ne 問家己: 我敢無 ùi 病疼得救? 這敢毋是真奇妙? 這敢毋是予我 ùi 上不幸, 上可怕 ê 狀況得著解救? 我敢有 án-ne 想, 有做該做 ê 代誌? 神已經救我, 我煞無 o-ló 伊. Tō 是講, 我無 kā he 看做是解救, mā 無感恩, án-ne 那有可能 ǹg 望閣較大 ê 解救? 這予我 ê 心大感動, 我隨跪落來, 大聲感謝神予我 ùi 病疼康復.
7 月初 4 -- 早起, 我提聖經, ùi 新約開始, 我開始認真讀, 要求家己逐工早起和暗時 lóng 著讀一下, 無限定著讀偌濟, 隨家己 ê 心情讀 tō 好. 認真讀經無久, 我 ê 心 tō 深深受感動, 覺悟家己過去生活 ê 罪孽. 夢中 ê 印象 koh 出現:
"一切 chiah-ê 代誌 lóng 無予你反悔," 這句話引我深思.
我真心求神予我懺悔 ê 機會. 忽然, 仝彼工, teh 讀聖經 ê 時, 我拄著這句:
"伊 hông 立做太子和救主, 予人懺悔, 予人得救."
我抨落冊, 我 ê 心和手攑 ǹg 天, tī 一陣大歡喜當中, 喝聲講:
"耶穌, David ê 囝! 你是太子, 是救主! 請予我懺悔 ê 機會!"
這是我一生第一擺真真正正 ê 祈禱. 因為, 我 ê 祈禱已經意識著家己 ê 狀況, 這擺祈禱是受神 ê 話 ê 鼓勵, 所抱 ê 希望已經符合聖經 ê 觀點. Ē-sái án-ne 講, 自這擺開始, 我希望神聽會著我 ê 祈禱.
今, 我開始 kō͘ 和過去無仝 ê 觀點, 來理解我頭前提起 ê 彼句話:
"叫我, 我會救你."
彼時, 我對解救無啥概念, 干焦想著家己 hông ùi 彼時 ê 困境救出, 因為我 tī 這所在雖然自由自在, m̄-koh 這个島 tùi 我實在是監獄, 是世界上䆀 ê 監獄. 但是今, 我學會曉無仝 ê 理解: 我回頭看過去 ê 生活, 心內著驚, 我 ê 罪孽深重. 所致, 我無求神啥物, 干焦愛欲靈魂解脫硩 tī 身軀 ê 罪孽重擔. 生活 ê 孤單, he 無算啥. 我無祈求 ùi he 得救, mā 無想著 he. 比起靈魂 ê 得救, he 無算啥. 我特別 tī chia 提起這點, 是欲 hō͘ 讀者知影, 只要 in tùi 代誌有真實 jīn-bat, tō 會發現, ùi 罪孽解脫比 ùi 困苦解脫閣較福氣.
今, 莫 koh 講這, 咱轉去我 ê 日記.
我 ê 狀況 tī 這陣, 雖罔 tī 生活猶是悲慘, m̄-koh 心情已經足輕鬆: 因為經常讀經和祈禱, kā 我 ê 思想引導向較超脫 ê 物, tī hia 得著以前 m̄-bat 有 ê 大安慰. 另外, 我 ê 健康和體力 mā 得著回復, 我勉勵家己, 安排工課, 盡力過正常 ê 生活.
Ùi 7 月初 4 到 14, 我主要 ê 活動是扎銃出門, 四界行行 leh; 做一个破病拄才好 ê 人, 我一擺行一節仔, 等體力較好, 才行較遠. 真歹想像, 彼時 ê 我是 gōa-nī 虛弱, gōa-nī 無力. 我使用 ê 治病方法是全新 ê, 凡勢以前無人 án-ne 治療過寒熱症. Kō͘ 這个實驗, 我 mā bē-tàng 推荐這个做法. 這个方法雖罔消除我 ê 病, 但是伊予我加真虛弱; 有一段時間, 我 ê 神經和四肢經常糾筋.
我 mā ùi chia 學著一个教訓: tī 雨季出門, 對我 ê 健康有大害, 尤其是風颱雨. 因為焦季 ê 時若落雨, 往往會綴彼種風颱雨, 所致我發現, 焦季 ê 雨比 9 月和 10 月落 ê 雨閣較危險.
(2023-3-13)
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6.6
July 3.—I missed the fit for good and all, though I did not recover my full strength for some weeks after. While I was thus gathering strength, my thoughts ran exceedingly upon this Scripture, “I will deliver thee”; and the impossibility of my deliverance lay much upon my mind, in bar of my ever expecting it; but as I was discouraging myself with such thoughts, it occurred to my mind that I pored so much upon my deliverance from the main affliction, that I disregarded the deliverance I had received, and I was as it were made to ask myself such questions as these—viz. Have I not been delivered, and wonderfully too, from sickness—from the most distressed condition that could be, and that was so frightful to me? and what notice had I taken of it? Had I done my part? God had delivered me, but I had not glorified Him—that is to say, I had not owned and been thankful for that as a deliverance; and how could I expect greater deliverance? This touched my heart very much; and immediately I knelt down and gave God thanks aloud for my recovery from my sickness.
July 4.—In the morning I took the Bible; and beginning at the New Testament, I began seriously to read it, and imposed upon myself to read a while every morning and every night; not tying myself to the number of chapters, but long as my thoughts should engage me. It was not long after I set seriously to this work till I found my heart more deeply and sincerely affected with the wickedness of my past life. The impression of my dream revived; and the words, “All these things have not brought thee to repentance,” ran seriously through my thoughts. I was earnestly begging of God to give me repentance, when it happened providentially, the very day, that, reading the Scripture, I came to these words:
“He is exalted a Prince and a Saviour, to give repentance and to give remission.”
I threw down the book; and with my heart as well as my hands lifted up to heaven, in a kind of ecstasy of joy, I cried out aloud,
“Jesus, thou son of David! Jesus, thou exalted Prince and Saviour! give me repentance!”
This was the first time I could say, in the true sense of the words, that I prayed in all my life; for now I prayed with a sense of my condition, and a true Scripture view of hope, founded on the encouragement of the Word of God; and from this time, I may say, I began to hope that God would hear me.
Now I began to construe the words mentioned above, “Call on Me, and I will deliver thee,” in a different sense from what I had ever done before; for then I had no notion of anything being called deliverance, but my being delivered from the captivity I was in; for though I was indeed at large in the place, yet the island was certainly a prison to me, and that in the worse sense in the world. But now I learned to take it in another sense: now I looked back upon my past life with such horror, and my sins appeared so dreadful, that my soul sought nothing of God but deliverance from the load of guilt that bore down all my comfort. As for my solitary life, it was nothing. I did not so much as pray to be delivered from it or think of it; it was all of no consideration in comparison to this. And I add this part here, to hint to whoever shall read it, that whenever they come to a true sense of things, they will find deliverance from sin a much greater blessing than deliverance from affliction.
But, leaving this part, I return to my Journal.
My condition began now to be, though not less miserable as to my way of living, yet much easier to my mind: and my thoughts being directed, by a constant reading the Scripture and praying to God, to things of a higher nature, I had a great deal of comfort within, which till now I knew nothing of; also, my health and strength returned, I bestirred myself to furnish myself with everything that I wanted, and make my way of living as regular as I could.
From the 4th of July to the 14th I was chiefly employed in walking about with my gun in my hand, a little and a little at a time, as a man that was gathering up his strength after a fit of sickness; for it is hardly to be imagined how low I was, and to what weakness I was reduced. The application which I made use of was perfectly new, and perhaps which had never cured an ague before; neither can I recommend it to any to practise, by this experiment: and though it did carry off the fit, yet it rather contributed to weakening me; for I had frequent convulsions in my nerves and limbs for some time. /
I learned from it also this, in particular, that being abroad in the rainy season was the most pernicious thing to my health that could be, especially in those rains which came attended with storms and hurricanes of wind; for as the rain which came in the dry season was almost always accompanied with such storms, so I found that rain was much more dangerous than the rain which fell in September and October.
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