6.4 Oa̍t-thâu khòaⁿ lí khó-phà ê chōe-gia̍t [Gí-im]
Jiân-āu, góa tōa-siaⁿ kiò, "Sîn ah, chhiáⁿ kiù góa, góa tú-tio̍h tōa khùn-lân ah." Kúi-nî lâi, che sī góa tē-it pái ê kî-tó, ká-sú góa ē-sái án-ne kā chheng-ho͘.
Taⁿ, lán koh tńg-lâi khòaⁿ góa ê ji̍t-kì.
6 goe̍h 28 -- Khùn-pá liáu-āu, góa khah ū goân-khì, pēⁿ-chèng hó ah, góa tō khí-chhn̂g. Sui-bóng bāng tiong siū-tio̍h chin tōa ê kiaⁿ-hiâⁿ hām khióng-pò͘, m̄-koh góa kiaⁿ hit-ê kôaⁿ-jia̍t-chèng bîn-á-chài ē koh lâi, taⁿ tio̍h khoán kóa mi̍h-kiāⁿ, phòa-pēⁿ ê sî chiah ū-thang iōng. Siú-sian, góa kō͘ chi̍t-ê sì-kak koàn-á té chúi, khǹg tī chhn̂g-piⁿ ê toh-á; ūi-tio̍h kiám-sió chúi ê hân-léng, góa tī chúi ni̍h ke liōng-iok 1/4 pint [140 ml] ê rum-chiú, koh kā kiáu hō͘ chiâu. Góa kō͘ hóe-thòaⁿ hang chi̍t-tè soaⁿ-iûⁿ bah, tān-sī chia̍h bô chē. Góa sì-kè kiâⁿ-tāng chi̍t-ē, m̄-koh lâng chin hi, siūⁿ-tio̍h bo̍k-chêng ê pi-chhám chōng-hóng, khióng-kiaⁿ bîn-á-chài koh phòa-pēⁿ, sim-chêng chin tîm-tāng.
Àm-sî, góa kā saⁿ-lia̍p hái-ku nūi, kō͘ hóe-hu pû se̍k liáu, peh khak chia̍h. Tī góa ê kì-tî lāi, che sī góa chit sì-lâng tē-it pái tī chia̍h-pn̄g ê sî chò kî-tó, kiû Sîn pó-pì. Chia̍h-pá liáu-āu, góa chhì boeh sàn-pō͘, m̄-koh hoat-hiān ka-tī hi kah bô la̍t gia̍h chhèng, in-ūi góa chhut-mn̂g m̄-bat bô chah chhèng. Só͘-tì, kiâⁿ bô kúi-pō͘, góa tō chē tī thô͘-kha, khòaⁿ bīn-chêng ê tōa-hái, hái-bīn pêng-chēng.
Chē tī chia, góa sán-seng chi̍t-kóa siūⁿ-hoat. Góa khòaⁿ chiah bêng ê chit-ê tōa-tē hām tōa-hái tàu-té sī siáⁿ? I sī ùi tó lâi? Góa sī siáⁿ, iáu-ū kî-thaⁿ it-chhè ê oa̍h-bu̍t, m̄-koán sī iá-seng a̍h lâng-chhī-ê, jîn-lūi a̍h iá-siù? Goán sī ùi tó lâi? Tong-jiân, goán lóng sī bó͘-chióng sîn-pì Le̍k-liōng só͘ chhòng-chō ê, he chhòng-chō tōa-tē hām tōa-hái, khong-khì hām khong-kan. He iū-koh sī siáng ah? Jiân-āu, siōng chū-jiân ê tap-àn sī, Sîn chhòng-chō it-chhè. Hmh, koh lâi tō koài-koài, nā kóng Sîn chhòng-chō it-chhè, I tiāⁿ-tio̍h ē-tàng ín-tō koh chi-phòe in. Ū hoat-tō͘ chhòng-chō it-chhè ê Le̍k-liōng, tong-jiân mā ū hoat-tō͘ ín-tō koh chi-phòe in. Nā sī án-ne, tī I chhòng-chō ê sè-kài, m̄-koán hoat-seng siáⁿ, Sîn bô khó-lêng m̄-chai, sīm-chì he sī I ê an-pâi.
Kì-jiân Sîn chai ta̍k-hāng tāi-chì, I tō chai góa tī chia, chōng-hóng pi-chhám. Kì-jiân hoat-seng ê tāi-chì sī Sîn ê an-pâi, góa ê chai-lān mā sī I ê an-pâi. Góa siūⁿ bô chiah-ê kiat-lūn ê hoán-pok, hō͘ góa koh-khah siong-sìn, tiāⁿ-tio̍h sī Sîn an-pâi góa siū chit-lō chai-lān; sī I ín-tō góa ji̍p chit-ê pi-chhám chōng-thài, I ū chit-khoán le̍k-liōng, m̄-nā tùi góa, mā tùi sè-kan bān-bu̍t.
Sòa lo̍h-lâi: Sī án-chóaⁿ Sîn án-ne tùi-thāi góa? Góa chò siáⁿ tio̍h án-ne chhú-tì? Góa ê liông-sim sûi chó͘-chí góa ê sûn-mn̄g, bē-su góa khì siat-to̍k tio̍h sîn-bêng, góa ká-ná thiaⁿ tio̍h chi̍t-ê siaⁿ-im tùi góa kóng:
"Gia̍t-thiok ah! Lí boeh mn̄g lí chò kòe siáⁿ ah? Oa̍t-thâu khòaⁿ lí khó-phà ê chōe-gia̍t, mn̄g lí ka-tī, ū siáⁿ pháiⁿ-sū lí bô chò kòe? Lí tio̍h mn̄g, sī án-chóaⁿ lí bô chá-chá tō pī húi-bia̍t? Sī án-chóaⁿ lí tī Yarmouth Roads bô im-sí; bô sí tī chûn hō͘ Sallee hái-chha̍t chhiúⁿ-toa̍t ê chiàn-tàu; bô hō͘ Afrika hái-hōaⁿ ê iá-siù chia̍h khì; bô tī chia im-sí, kui-chûn kan-ta lí oa̍h? Lí kám boeh mn̄g, lí chò kòe siáⁿ ah?"
Chiah-ê hoán-séng hō͘ góa tio̍h-kiaⁿ kah ná é-káu, bô ōe hó kóng -- bô, góa bô ìn-ōe, kan-ta sī ná tîm-su ná khiā khí-lâi, siong-sim kiâⁿ tńg chū-só͘, pôaⁿ-kòe ûi-chhiûⁿ, chún-pī boeh khùn. M̄-koh, góa ê sim-chêng chin loān, bô-sim boeh khùn. Góa chē tī í-á, tiám-to̍h teng-hóe, in-ūi chit-sî thiⁿ í-keng boeh àm ah. In-ūi hoân-ló pēⁿ-thiàⁿ koh lâi, hō͘ góa sim-kiaⁿ. Hut-jiân, góa siūⁿ-khí, Brazil lâng m̄-koán siáⁿ-mih pēⁿ, lóng bô chia̍h io̍h-á, kan-ta sī pō͘ hun-chháu. Góa ê chi̍t-kha siuⁿ-á ū chi̍t-khún hun-chháu, tōa pō͘-hūn hang-ta, ū chi̍t-kóa iáu chheⁿ-chheⁿ, bô hang kài ta.
--
6.4 越頭看你可怕 ê 罪孽 [語音]
然後, 我大聲叫, "神 ah, 請救我, 我拄著大困難 ah." 幾年來, 這是我第一擺 ê 祈禱, 假使我 ē-sái án-ne kā 稱呼.
今, 咱 koh 轉來看我 ê 日記.
6 月 28 -- 睏飽了後, 我較有元氣, 病症好 ah, 我 tō 起床. 雖罔夢中受著真大 ê 驚惶和恐怖, m̄-koh 我驚彼个寒熱症明仔載會閣來, 今著款寡物件, 破病 ê 時才 ū-thang 用. 首先, 我 kō͘ 一个四角罐仔貯水, 囥 tī 床邊 ê 桌仔; 為著減小水 ê 寒冷, 我 tī 水 ni̍h 加量約 1/4 pint [140 ml] ê rum 酒, koh kā 攪予 chiâu. 我 kō͘ 火炭烘一塊山羊肉, 但是食無濟. 我四界 kiâⁿ-tāng 一下, m̄-koh 人真虛, 想著目前 ê 悲慘狀況, 恐驚明仔載 koh 破病, 心情真沉重.
暗時, 我 kā 三粒海龜 nūi, kō͘ 火烌炰熟了, peh 殼食. Tī 我 ê 記持內, 這是我這世人第一擺 tī 食飯 ê 時做祈禱, 求神保庇. 食飽了後, 我試欲散步, m̄-koh 發現家己虛 kah 無力攑銃, 因為我出門 m̄-bat 無扎銃. 所致, 行無幾步, 我 tō 坐 tī 塗跤, 看面前 ê 大海, 海面平靜.
坐 tī chia, 我產生一寡想法. 我看 chiah 明 ê 這个大地和大海到底是啥? 伊是 ùi 佗來? 我是啥, 猶有其他一切 ê 活物, 毋管是野生 a̍h 人飼 ê, 人類 a̍h 野獸? 阮是 ùi 佗來? 當然, 阮 lóng 是某種神祕力量所創造 ê, he 創造大地和大海, 空氣和空間. 彼又閣是 siáng ah? 然後, 上自然 ê 答案是, 神創造一切. Hmh, 閣來 tō 怪怪, 若講神創造一切, 伊定著 ē-tàng 引導 koh 支配 in. 有法度創造一切 ê 力量, 當然 mā 有法度引導 koh 支配 in. 若是 án-ne, tī 伊創造 ê 世界, 毋管發生啥, 神無可能毋知, 甚至 he 是伊 ê 安排.
既然神知逐項代誌, 伊 tō 知我 tī chia, 狀況悲慘. 既然發生 ê 代誌是神 ê 安排, 我 ê 災難 mā 是伊 ê 安排. 我想無 chiah-ê 結論 ê 反駁, hō͘ 我閣較相信, 定著是神安排我受 chit-lō 災難; 是伊引導我入這个悲慘狀態, 伊有這款力量, 毋但對我, mā 對世間萬物.
紲落來: 是按怎神 án-ne 對待我? 我做啥著 án-ne 處置? 我 ê 良心隨阻止我 ê 詢問, 袂輸我去褻瀆著神明, 我 ká-ná 聽著一个聲音對我講:
"孽畜 ah! 你欲問你做過啥 ah? 越頭看你可怕 ê 罪孽, 問你家己, 有啥歹事你無做過? 你著問, 是按怎你無早早 tō 被毀滅? 是按怎你無 tī Yarmouth Roads 淹死; 無死 tī 船 hō͘ Sallee 海賊搶奪 ê 戰鬥; 無 hō͘ Afrika 海岸 ê 野獸食去; 無 tī chia 淹死, 規船干焦你活? 你 kám 欲問, 你做過啥 ah?"
Chiah-ê 反省 hō͘ 我著驚 kah ná é-káu, 無話好講 -- 無, 我無應話, 干焦是 ná 沉思 ná 徛起來, 傷心行轉住所, 盤過圍牆, 準備欲睏. M̄-koh, 我 ê 心情真亂, 無心欲睏. 我坐 tī 椅仔, 點 to̍h 燈火, 因為這時天已經欲暗 ah. 因為煩惱病疼 koh 來, hō͘ 我心驚. 忽然, 我想起, Brazil 人毋管啥物病, lóng 無食藥仔, 干焦是哺薰草. 我 ê 一跤箱仔有一捆薰草, 大部份烘焦, 有一寡猶青青, 無烘 kài 焦.
--
6.4
Then I cried out, “Lord, be my help, for I am in great distress.”
This was the first prayer, if I may call it so, that I had made for many years.
But to return to my Journal.
June 28.—Having been somewhat refreshed with the sleep I had had, and the fit being entirely off, I got up; and though the fright and terror of my dream was very great, yet I considered that the fit of the ague would return again the next day, and now was my time to get something to refresh and support myself when I should be ill; and the first thing I did, I filled a large square case-bottle with water, and set it upon my table, in reach of my bed; and to take off the chill or aguish disposition of the water, I put about a quarter of a pint of rum into it, and mixed them together. Then I got me a piece of the goat’s flesh and broiled it on the coals, but could eat very little. I walked about, but was very weak, and withal very sad and heavy-hearted under a sense of my miserable condition, dreading, the return of my distemper the next day. /
At night I made my supper of three of the turtle’s eggs, which I roasted in the ashes, and ate, as we call it, in the shell, and this was the first bit of meat I had ever asked God’s blessing to, that I could remember, in my whole life. After I had eaten I tried to walk, but found myself so weak that I could hardly carry a gun, for I never went out without that; so I went but a little way, and sat down upon the ground, looking out upon the sea, which was just before me, and very calm and smooth. /
As I sat here some such thoughts as these occurred to me: What is this earth and sea, of which I have seen so much? Whence is it produced? And what am I, and all the other creatures wild and tame, human and brutal? Whence are we? Sure we are all made by some secret Power, who formed the earth and sea, the air and sky. And who is that? Then it followed most naturally, it is God that has made all. Well, but then it came on strangely, if God has made all these things, He guides and governs them all, and all things that concern them; for the Power that could make all things must certainly have power to guide and direct them. If so, nothing can happen in the great circuit of His works, either without His knowledge or appointment.
And if nothing happens without His knowledge, He knows that I am here, and am in this dreadful condition; and if nothing happens without His appointment, He has appointed all this to befall me. Nothing occurred to my thought to contradict any of these conclusions, and therefore it rested upon me with the greater force, that it must needs be that God had appointed all this to befall me; that I was brought into this miserable circumstance by His direction, He having the sole power, not of me only, but of everything that happened in the world. /
Immediately it followed: Why has God done this to me? What have I done to be thus used? My conscience presently checked me in that inquiry, as if I had blasphemed, and methought it spoke to me like a voice:
“Wretch! dost thou ask what thou hast done? Look back upon a dreadful misspent life, and ask thyself what thou hast not done? Ask, why is it that thou wert not long ago destroyed? Why wert thou not drowned in Yarmouth Roads; killed in the fight when the ship was taken by the Sallee man-of-war; devoured by the wild beasts on the coast of Africa; or drowned here, when all the crew perished but thyself? Dost thou ask, what have I done?”
I was struck dumb with these reflections, as one astonished, and had not a word to say—no, not to answer to myself, but rose up pensive and sad, walked back to my retreat, and went up over my wall, as if I had been going to bed; but my thoughts were sadly disturbed, and I had no inclination to sleep; so I sat down in my chair, and lighted my lamp, for it began to be dark. Now, as the apprehension of the return of my distemper terrified me very much, it occurred to my thought that the Brazilians take no physic but their tobacco for almost all distempers, and I had a piece of a roll of tobacco in one of the chests, which was quite cured, and some also that was green, and not quite cured.
--
No comments:
Post a Comment