6.3 落難得救無感恩

6.3 Lo̍h-lān tit-kiù bô kám-un [Gí-im]

Góa hō͘ Portugal chûn-tiúⁿ ùi hái-siōng kái-kiù, tit-tio̍h hó-lé, kong-chèng koh jîn-chû ê tùi-thāi, góa ê sim bô chi̍t-sut-á kám-un. Tán góa koh tú-tio̍h chûn-lān, hiám-hiám tī chit-ê hong-tó im-sí, góa kin-pún bô hoán-hóe, mā bô kā tòng-chò sī pò-èng. Góa kan-ta keng-siông kā ka-tī kóng, góa sī chi̍t-chiah put-hēng ê káu, seⁿ-lâi chù-tiāⁿ tio̍h siū-khó͘.

Khak-si̍t, góa chi̍t-ē chiūⁿ-hōaⁿ, hoat-hiān tî-liáu góa, kî-thaⁿ chûn-oân lóng im-sí, góa tio̍h-kiaⁿ koh hoaⁿ-hí; hoaⁿ-hí tang-tiong, ká-sú ū Sîn ê pang-chān, lêng-hûn sió tńg-se̍h chi̍t-ē, hoān-sè ē sán-seng chin-sim ê kám-un. M̄-koh, kiat-kio̍k kāng-khoán, che chí-sī phó͘-thong ê hoaⁿ-hí, a̍h-sī kóng, góa hoaⁿ-hí ka-tī bô sí, bô hoán-séng kiù góa miā hit-ki chhiú ê te̍k-sû siān-ì: pa̍t-lâng lóng siū-lān, tan-tan kiù góa chi̍t-lâng; góa mā bô thàm-thó, sī án-chóaⁿ Thiⁿ-kong tùi góa chiah chû-pi. Góa ê piáu-hiān, sīm-chì chhiūⁿ it-poaⁿ ê chûn-oân kāng-khoán, lo̍h-lān liáu an-choân chiūⁿ-hōaⁿ, sûi tōa-chhùi lim punch-chiú, chek-sî bē-kì-tit tāi-chì. Góa kui-ê jîn-seng tō chhin-chhiūⁿ án-ne.

Sīm-chì āu-lâi, góa chim-chiok siūⁿ, liáu-kái ka-tī ê chōng-hóng, án-chóaⁿ phiau-liû kàu chit-ê hong-tó, hn̄g-hn̄g lī-khui jîn-lūi, bô tit-kiù ê hi-bāng, tī chi̍t-ē khòaⁿ tio̍h góa ū seng-chûn ê ki-hōe, bē iau sí ê sî, it-chhè góa ê khó͘-náu sûi tō siau khì, góa sûi sim-chêng khin-sang, kui-sim phah-piàⁿ pó-hō͘ ka-tī, chiàu-kò͘ saⁿ-tǹg, chi̍t-sut-á to bô siūⁿ kóng, góa bo̍k-chêng ê chōng-hóng sī Thiⁿ ê chhú-hoa̍t, sī Sîn ê pò-èng: chit-chióng su-sióng chin chió chìn-ji̍p góa ê thâu-khak.

Góa tī ji̍t-kì bat kóng kòe, khòaⁿ tio̍h chhek-á hoat-íⁿ ê sî, góa ū siūⁿ tio̍͘h Sîn, chhim-chhim kám-tōng, in-ūi khí-chho͘ góa kiò-sī he sī Sîn hián kî-chek. M̄-koh, tán góa hoat-hiān chin-siòng, tō bô koh án-ne siūⁿ. Che, góa tī thâu-chêng ū kì-chài.

Tō kóng sī tē-tāng, sui-bóng bô siáⁿ pí he koh-khah khó-phà, bô siáⁿ pí he koh-khah ti̍t-chiap kí hiòng khòaⁿ bē-tio̍h ê Le̍k-liōng, tān-sī tán tio̍h-kiaⁿ chi̍t-ē kòe, hit-chióng ìn-siōng mā sûi kòe-khì. Góa bô siáⁿ iú-koan Sîn a̍h Sîn ê sím-phòaⁿ ê kài-liām -- koh-khah bô kám-kak góa bo̍k-chêng ê khó͘-lān sī I ê an-pâi, tō kóng góa tī siōng khùiⁿ-oa̍h ê tiâu-kiāⁿ mā-sī kāng-khoán.

M̄-koh taⁿ, góa phòa-pēⁿ ah, sí-bông ê pi-chhám phû-hiān tī góa bīn-chêng, pēⁿ-thiàⁿ hō͘ góa sim-chêng būn, hoat-sio hō͘ góa thé-chit hi. Góa khùn-khì ê liông-sim cheng-sîn ah, góa khai-sí chek-pī ka-tī kòe-khì ê seng-oa̍h. Kòe-khì góa bē-sè ê siâ-ok, hián-jiân hoān tio̍h Sîn ê chèng-gī, I chiah ē hō͘ góa siū tōa táⁿ-kek, kō͘ pò-èng tùi-thāi góa.

Tī phòa-pēⁿ ê tē-2 hām tē-3 kang, góa ti̍t-ti̍t hō͘ chiah-ê hoán-séng ap-pek. In-ūi hoat-sio hām liông-sim ê chek-pī, góa kóng-chhut chi̍t-kóa ná-chhiūⁿ hiòng Sîn kî-tó ê ōe, sui-bóng hit-lō kî-tó bô kòa sim-ì, mā bô kòa hi-bāng, he put-kò sī kiaⁿ-hiâⁿ hām thòng-khó͘ ê siaⁿ-im. Góa ê su-sióng hūn-loān, sim-lāi ê sìn-liām kian-tēng, chi̍t-ē siūⁿ tio̍h ka-tī ē tī chit-chióng pi-chhám ê chōng-hóng sí khì, thâu-khak tō chhiong-móa khióng-pò͘. Tī sim-lêng hiong-kông tang-tiong, góa m̄-chai góa ē-tàng kóng siáⁿ, put-kò sī chò án-ne ê kám-thàn: 

"Chú ah, góa ū-kàu chhám ah! Góa phòa-pēⁿ, bô lâng chiàu-kò͘, góa ún-sí ah! Góa boeh án-chóaⁿ hó?" 

Jiân-āu, góa ê ba̍k-sái liàn lo̍h-lâi, kòe chi̍t-khùn kóng bē-chhut ōe.

Chit-sî, góa siūⁿ tio̍h lāu-pē ê khó͘-khǹg, mā siūⁿ tio̍h i ê ī-giân -- che góa tī tú khai-sí ê sî bat kóng kòe, its góa nā kiâⁿ chit-khoán gōng lō͘, Sîn bē pó-pì góa, tán góa chhōe bô kiù-peng ê sî, góa tiāⁿ-tio̍h ē hoán-hóe bô thiaⁿ i ê kiàn-gī. 

"Taⁿ," góa tōa-siaⁿ kóng, "góa chhin-ài lāu-pē ê ōe èng-giām ah lah, Sîn í-keng teh chhú-hoa̍t góa, bô lâng ē-tàng kiù góa a̍h thiaⁿ tio̍h góa. Góa kī-choa̍t Thiⁿ ê hó-ì, he pún-chiâⁿ tùi góa jîn-chû, kā góa an-pâi tī chi̍t-ê hù-jū ê seng-oa̍h khoân-kéng, hō͘ góa hēng-hok, khin-sang kòe-ji̍t. M̄-koh, góa ka-tī khòaⁿ bē-chhut, mā bô ùi pē-bú jīn-bat chit-chióng hok-khì. Góa hō͘ in ūi góa ê gû-gōng pi-ai, taⁿ góa mā ka-tī ūi gû-gōng ê hiō-kó pi-ai. Goân-pún in ē-tàng hō͘ góa tī sè-kài khiā-khí, hō͘ góa sū-sū khin-sang jû-ì, tān-sī góa kī-choa̍t in ê pang-chān hām chi-chhî. Kàu taⁿ, góa ū khùn-lân tio̍h chhia-piàⁿ, khùn-lân tōa kah liân chū-jiân pún-sin tō bô i hoat, bô pang-chān, bô chi-chhî, bô an-ùi, bô chham-siông." 

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6.3 落難得救無感恩 [語音]

我予 Portugal 船長 ùi 海上解救, 得著好禮, 公正 koh 仁慈 ê 對待, 我 ê 心無一屑仔感恩. 等我 koh 拄著船難, 險險 tī 這个荒島淹死, 我根本無反悔, mā 無 kā 當做是報應. 我干焦經常 kā 家己講, 我是一隻不幸 ê 狗, 生來註定著受苦.

確實, 我一下上岸, 發現除了我, 其他船員 lóng 淹死, 我著驚 koh 歡喜; 歡喜當中, 假使有神 ê 幫贊, 靈魂小轉踅一下, 凡勢會產生真心 ê 感恩. M̄-koh, 結局仝款, che 只是普通 ê 歡喜, a̍h 是講, 我歡喜家己無死, 無反省救我命彼支手 ê 特殊善意: 別人 lóng 受難, 單單救我一人; 我 mā 無探討, 是按怎天公對我 chiah 慈悲. 我 ê 表現, 甚至像一般 ê 船員仝款, 落難了安全上岸, 隨大喙啉 punch 酒, 即時袂記得代誌. 我規个人生 tō 親像 án-ne.

甚至後來, 我斟酌想, 了解家己 ê 狀況, 按怎漂流到這个荒島, 遠遠離開人類, 無得救 ê 希望, tī 一下看著我有生存 ê 機會, 袂枵死 ê 時, 一切我 ê 苦惱隨 tō 消去, 我隨心情輕鬆, 規心拍拚保護家己, 照顧三頓, 一屑仔 to 無想講, 我目前 ê 狀況是天 ê 處罰, 是神 ê 報應: 這種思想真少進入我 ê 頭殼.

我 tī 日記 bat 講過, 看著粟仔發穎 ê 時, 我有想著神, 深深感動, 因為起初我叫是 he 是神顯奇蹟. M̄-koh, 等我發現真相, tō 無 koh án-ne 想. 這, 我 tī 頭前有記載.

Tō 講是地動, 雖罔無啥比 he 閣較可怕, 無啥比 he 閣較直接 kí 向看袂著 ê 力量, 但是等著驚一下過, 彼種印象 mā 隨過去. 我無啥有關神 a̍h 神 ê 審判 ê 概念 -- 閣較無感覺我目前 ê 苦難是伊 ê 安排, tō 講我 tī 上快活 ê 條件 mā 是仝款.

M̄-koh 今, 我破病 ah, 死亡 ê 悲慘浮現 tī 我面前, 病疼予我心情悶, 發燒予我體質虛. 我睏去 ê 良心精神 ah, 我開始責備家己過去 ê 生活. 過去我袂細 ê 邪惡, 顯然犯著神 ê 正義, 伊才會予我受大打擊, kō͘ 報應對待我.

Tī 破病 ê 第 2 和第 3 工, 我直直予 chiah-ê 反省壓迫. 因為發燒和良心 ê 責備, 我講出一寡 ná 像向神祈禱 ê 話, 雖罔 hit-lō 祈禱無掛心意, mā 無掛希望, 彼不過是驚惶和痛苦 ê 聲音. 我 ê 思想混亂, 心內 ê 信念堅定, 一下想著家己會 tī 這種悲慘 ê 狀況死去, 頭殼 tō 充滿恐怖. Tī 心靈兇狂當中, 我毋知我 ē-tàng 講啥, 不過是做 án-ne ê 感嘆: 

"主 ah, 我有夠慘 ah! 我破病, 無人照顧, 我穩死 ah! 我欲按怎好?" 

然後, 我 ê 目屎輾落來, 過一睏講袂出話.

這時, 我想著老爸 ê 苦勸, mā 想著伊 ê 預言 -- 這我 tī 拄開始 ê 時 bat 講過, its 我若行這款戇路, 神袂保庇我, 等我揣無救兵 ê 時, 我定著會反悔無聽伊 ê 建議. 

"今," 我大聲講, "我親愛老爸 ê 話應驗 ah lah, 神已經 teh 處罰我, 無人 ē-tàng 救我 a̍h 聽著我. 我拒絕天 ê 好意, he 本成對我仁慈, kā 我安排 tī 一个富裕 ê 生活環境, 予我幸福, 輕鬆過日. M̄-koh, 我家己看袂出, mā 無 ùi 爸母認捌這種福氣. 我予 in 為我 ê 愚戇悲哀, 今我 mā 家己為愚戇 ê 後果悲哀. 原本 in ē-tàng 予我 tī 世界徛起, 予我事事輕鬆如意, 但是我拒絕 in ê 幫贊和支持. 到今, 我有困難著捙拚, 困難大 kah 連自然本身 tō 無伊法, 無幫贊, 無支持, 無安慰, 無參詳." 

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6.3

When I was delivered and taken up at sea by the Portugal captain, well used, and dealt justly and honourably with, as well as charitably, I had not the least thankfulness in my thoughts. When, again, I was shipwrecked, ruined, and in danger of drowning on this island, I was as far from remorse, or looking on it as a judgment. I only said to myself often, that I was an unfortunate dog, and born to be always miserable.

It is true, when I got on shore first here, and found all my ship’s crew drowned and myself spared, I was surprised with a kind of ecstasy, and some transports of soul, which, had the grace of God assisted, might have come up to true thankfulness; but it ended where it began, in a mere common flight of joy, or, as I may say, being glad I was alive, without the least reflection upon the distinguished goodness of the hand which had preserved me, and had singled me out to be preserved when all the rest were destroyed, or an inquiry why Providence had been thus merciful unto me. Even just the same common sort of joy which seamen generally have, after they are got safe ashore from a shipwreck, which they drown all in the next bowl of punch, and forget almost as soon as it is over; and all the rest of my life was like it. /

Even when I was afterwards, on due consideration, made sensible of my condition, how I was cast on this dreadful place, out of the reach of human kind, out of all hope of relief, or prospect of redemption, as soon as I saw but a prospect of living and that I should not starve and perish for hunger, all the sense of my affliction wore off; and I began to be very easy, applied myself to the works proper for my preservation and supply, and was far enough from being afflicted at my condition, as a judgment from heaven, or as the hand of God against me: these were thoughts which very seldom entered my head.

The growing up of the corn, as is hinted in my Journal, had at first some little influence upon me, and began to affect me with seriousness, as long as I thought it had something miraculous in it; but as soon as ever that part of the thought was removed, all the impression that was raised from it wore off also, as I have noted already. /

Even the earthquake, though nothing could be more terrible in its nature, or more immediately directing to the invisible Power which alone directs such things, yet no sooner was the first fright over, but the impression it had made went off also. I had no more sense of God or His judgments—much less of the present affliction of my circumstances being from His hand—than if I had been in the most prosperous condition of life. /

But now, when I began to be sick, and a leisurely view of the miseries of death came to place itself before me; when my spirits began to sink under the burden of a strong distemper, and nature was exhausted with the violence of the fever; conscience, that had slept so long, began to awake, and I began to reproach myself with my past life, in which I had so evidently, by uncommon wickedness, provoked the justice of God to lay me under uncommon strokes, and to deal with me in so vindictive a manner. /

These reflections oppressed me for the second or third day of my distemper; and in the violence, as well of the fever as of the dreadful reproaches of my conscience, extorted some words from me like praying to God, though I cannot say they were either a prayer attended with desires or with hopes: it was rather the voice of mere fright and distress. My thoughts were confused, the convictions great upon my mind, and the horror of dying in such a miserable condition raised vapours into my head with the mere apprehensions; and in these hurries of my soul I knew not what my tongue might express. But it was rather exclamation, such as, 

“Lord, what a miserable creature am I! If I should be sick, I shall certainly die for want of help; and what will become of me!” 

Then the tears burst out of my eyes, and I could say no more for a good while. /

In this interval the good advice of my father came to my mind, and presently his prediction, which I mentioned at the beginning of this story—viz. that if I did take this foolish step, God would not bless me, and I would have leisure hereafter to reflect upon having neglected his counsel when there might be none to assist in my recovery. /

“Now,” said I, aloud, “my dear father’s words are come to pass; God’s justice has overtaken me, and I have none to help or hear me. I rejected the voice of Providence, which had mercifully put me in a posture or station of life wherein I might have been happy and easy; but I would neither see it myself nor learn to know the blessing of it from my parents. I left them to mourn over my folly, and now I am left to mourn under the consequences of it. I abused their help and assistance, who would have lifted me in the world, and would have made everything easy to me; and now I have difficulties to struggle with, too great for even nature itself to support, and no assistance, no help, no comfort, no advice.” /

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