1.5 Soe-ūn ngē pek góa hiòng-chêng [Gí-im]
Chit-ê sî-chūn, góa nā thâu-náu chheng-chhó tńg-khì Hull, tńg chhù, góa tiāⁿ-tio̍h chin hēng-hok. Goán lāu-pē ē chhiūⁿ Kiù-sè-chú ê kò͘-sū só͘ kóng ê án-ne, ūi góa thâi pûi gû, in-ūi i thiaⁿ-kóng góa tah ê hit-chiah chûn tîm tī Yarmouth Roads, í-āu iū keng-kòe chin kú, i chiah chai-iáⁿ góa bô im-sí.
M̄-koh, góa ê soe-ūn bōe soah, i ngē pek góa hiòng-chêng. Sui-bóng ū kúi-ā kái, tī góa khah léng-chēng ê sî, góa ê lí-sèng tùi góa tōa-siaⁿ hoah, kiò góa tńg-chhù, m̄-koh góa chò bē-kàu. Góa m̄-chai án-chóaⁿ kiò che, góa mā bē kóng he sī chi̍t-chióng sîn-pì ê chi-phòe bēng-lēng, pek lán chiâⁿ-chò húi-bia̍t ka-tī ê kang-kū, sui-bóng bīn-tùi chai-lān, iáu-sī ba̍k-chiu kim-kim chông hiòng-chêng. Tong-jiân, tō sī chit-chióng kiap-sò͘, hō͘ góa bô hoat-tō͘ cháu-siám, i kā góa sak hiòng-chêng, ûi-pōe góa siōng pó-siú su-sióng ê léng-chēng thui-lí hām khó͘-khǹg, mā ûi-pōe góa chho͘-chhù chhì-giām í-keng tú-tio̍h ê nn̄g-pái bêng-hián ê kàu-hùn.
Góa ê tông-phōaⁿ, its [iā-tō-sī] chûn-tiúⁿ ê kiáⁿ, khí-chho͘ i pang góa kā sim-koaⁿ lia̍h-hoâiⁿ, taⁿ i soah pí góa khah bô-táⁿ. Goán tī Yarmouth hông an-pâi tòa tī bô-kāng ê só͘-chāi, tán goán koh sio-tú, í-keng kòe nn̄g/saⁿ-kang. Góa ē-sái kóng, i chi̍t-ē khòaⁿ tio̍h góa, kóng-ōe ê kháu-khì í-keng bô-kāng. I khòaⁿ khí-lâi chin ut-chut, it-ti̍t iô-thâu, mn̄g góa kòe-liáu án-chóaⁿ, i kā in lāu-pē kóng-khí góa, kóng, góa chit-kái chhut-hái chí-sī boeh chhì khòaⁿ-māi, thang-hó chún-pī í-āu koh chhut-kok. In lāu-pē oa̍t hiòng góa, kō͘ giâm-siok koh koan-hoâi ê kháu-khì kóng:
"Siàu-liân-ke, lí bô eng-kai koh chhut-hái ah lah, tio̍h kā chit-kái tòng-chò chi̍t-ê bêng-hián ê kiat-tiāu, lí bô sek-ha̍p chò kiâⁿ-chûn-lâng."
"Án-chóaⁿ kóng, sian-siⁿ?" góa kóng, "lí kám mā bô-boeh koh chhut-hái ah sioh?"
"He bô-kāng," i kóng, "kiâⁿ-chûn sī góa ê chit-gia̍p, mā sī góa ê chek-jīm. Tān-sī chit-kái chhut-hái, lí sī boeh chhì-thàm, Thiⁿ-kong í-keng hō͘ lí chhì kiâm-chiáⁿ, chai-iáⁿ lí nā kian-chhî ê hiō-kó. Hoān-sè goán tú-tio̍h--ê lóng sī in-ūi lí, tō ná-chhiūⁿ Jonah chiūⁿ khui-óng Tarshish ê chûn án-ne. Pài-thok," i kè-sio̍k kóng, "lí sī siáng ah, sī án-chóaⁿ lí boeh chē goán ê chûn chhut-hái?"
Chū án-ne, góa kā i kóng kóa góa ê sin-sè. I thiaⁿ-liáu, hut-jiân bo̍k-bêng kî-miāu, tōa siūⁿ-khì:
"Góa hoān-tio̍h siáⁿ ah," i kóng, "chit-ê làu-sái chheⁿ ná-ē lâi góa ê chûn? Hō͘ góa 1,000 pōng, góa mā m̄ hām lí ta̍h-chiūⁿ kāng chi̍t-chiah chûn."
Góa sī án-ne siūⁿ, che khak-si̍t sī i cheng-sîn siōng ê tńg-se̍h, sī siū-tio̍h i ê sún-sit ê chhì-kek, kî-si̍t i bô khoân-lī án-ne chek-koài góa. M̄-koh, āu-lâi i koh giâm-siok tùi góa kóng, khǹg góa tńg goán lāu-pē hia, m̄-thang jiá Thiⁿ-kong lâi húi-bia̍t góa, kóng góa khó-lêng ū khòaⁿ tio̍h Thiⁿ-kong í-keng chhut ê chhiú.
"Siàu-liân-ke," i kóng, "chhiáⁿ siong-sìn, lí nā m̄ tńg-chhù, m̄-koán lí khì tó-ūi, lí kan-ta ē tú-tio̍h chai-lān hām sit-bōng, it-ti̍t kàu lín lāu-pē ê ōe èng-giām tī lí sin-khu."
In-ūi góa bô án-chóaⁿ ìn i ê ōe, goán chin kín tō hun-khui, mā bô koh khòaⁿ tio̍h i, góa mā m̄-chai i kiâⁿ tó chi̍t-tiâu lō͘. Tùi góa lâi kóng, lak-tē-á ū kóa chîⁿ, góa chē chhia khì London, iân-lō͘, it-ti̍t kàu hia, góa sim-lāi ū chē-chē ê kún-ká, m̄-chai seng-oa̍h tio̍h kiâⁿ siáⁿ-khoán ê lō͘, m̄-chai góa tio̍h tńg-chhù a̍h-sī chhut-hái.
Kóng tio̍h tńg-chhù, kiàn-siàu hō͘ góa ê siūⁿ-hoat tōa-tōa tò-tōaⁿ, góa chek-khek siūⁿ tio̍h, chhù-piⁿ keh-piah ē án-chóaⁿ chhiò góa, hō͘ góa bô bīn-chú kìⁿ m̄-nā pē-bú, sīm-chì kî-thaⁿ só͘-ū ê lâng. Chū hit-sî khai-sí, góa keng-siông hoat-hiān, lán-lâng ê sèng-tē si̍t-chāi chin hong-tông koh hàm-kó͘, iû-kî sī siàu-liân lâng, tī chit-khoán chêng-hêng, in eng-kai tio̍h thiaⁿ lí-tì ê chí-tō -- its [iā-tō-sī], in bô ūi chōe-kò teh kiàn-siàu, tian-tò ūi hoán-hóe teh kiàn-siàu, bô ūi chò gōng-sū teh kiàn-siàu, soah ūi hôe-thâu teh kiàn-siàu; sū-si̍t-siōng, hôe-thâu chiah ē hông khòaⁿ chò sī chhong-bêng ê lâng.
Put-jî-kò, góa seng-oa̍h tī chit-chióng chêng-hêng chi̍t-tōaⁿ sî-kan, m̄-chai boeh chhòng-siáⁿ, seng-oa̍h boeh kiâⁿ siáⁿ-khoán lō͘. Siūⁿ tio̍h tńg-chhù, ū chi̍t-chióng jím-put-chū ê m̄-chêng-goān. Án-ne tī gōa-kháu chi̍t-tōaⁿ sî-kan liáu-āu, tùi chai-lān ê kì-tî chiām-chiām siau-khì, sûi-tio̍h kì-tî ê kiám-khin, góa ǹg-bāng tńg-chhù ê sió-sió liām-thâu mā tòe teh hoa-khì. Kàu chòe-āu, góa kui-ê kā he pàng bē-kì-tit, koh kî-thāi boeh chhut-hái ah.
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1.5 衰運硬迫我向前 [語音]
這个時陣, 我若頭腦清楚轉去 Hull, 轉厝, 我定著真幸福. 阮老爸會像救世主 ê 故事所講 ê án-ne, 為我刣肥牛, 因為伊聽講我搭 ê 彼隻船沉 tī Yarmouth Roads, 以後又經過真久, 伊才知影我無淹死.
毋過, 我 ê 衰運未煞, 伊硬迫我向前. 雖罔有幾若改, tī 我較冷靜 ê 時, 我 ê 理性對我大聲喝, 叫我轉厝, 毋過我做袂到. 我毋知按怎叫這, 我 mā 袂講彼是一種神秘 ê 支配命令, 迫咱成做毀滅家己 ê 工具, 雖罔面對災難, 猶是目睭金金傱向前. 當然, tō 是這種劫數, hō͘ 我無法度走閃, 伊 kā 我捒向前, 違背我上保守思想 ê 冷靜推理和苦勸, mā 違背我初次試驗已經拄著 ê 兩擺明顯 ê 教訓.
我 ê 同伴, its [iā-tō-sī] 船長 ê 囝, 起初伊幫我 kā 心肝掠橫, 今伊煞比我較無膽. 阮 tī Yarmouth hông 安排蹛 tī 無仝 ê 所在, 等阮 koh 相拄, 已經過兩三工. 我會使講, 伊一下看著我, 講話 ê 口氣已經無仝. 伊看起來真鬱卒, 一直搖頭, 問我過了按怎, 伊 kā in 老爸講起我, 講, 我這改出海只是欲試看覓, 通好準備以後 koh 出國. In 老爸越向我, kō͘ 嚴肅 koh 關懷 ê 口氣講:
"少年家, 你無應該 koh 出海 ah lah, 著 kā 這改當做一个明顯 ê 吉兆, 你無適合做行船人."
"按怎講, 先生?" 我講, "你敢 mā 無欲 koh 出海 ah sioh?"
"彼無仝," 伊講, "行船是我 ê 職業, mā 是我 ê 責任. 但是這改出海, 你是欲試探, 天公已經 hō͘ 你試鹹汫, 知影你若堅持 ê 後果. 凡勢阮拄著 ê lóng 是因為你, tō ná 像 Jonah 上開往 Tarshish ê 船 án-ne. 拜託," 伊繼續講, "你是 siáng ah, 是按怎你欲坐阮 ê 船出海?"
自 án-ne, 我 kā 伊講寡我 ê 身世. 伊聽了, 忽然莫名其妙, 大受氣:
"我犯著啥 ah," 伊講, "這个落屎星那會來我 ê 船? Hō͘ 我 1,000 鎊, 我 mā 毋和你踏上仝一隻船."
我是 án-ne 想, 這確實是伊精神上 ê 轉踅, 是受著伊 ê 損失 ê 刺激, 其實伊無權利 án-ne 責怪我. 毋過, 後來伊 koh 嚴肅對我講, 勸我轉阮老爸 hia, 毋通惹天公來毀滅我, 講我可能有看著天公已經出 ê 手.
"少年家," 伊講, "請相信, 你若毋轉厝, 毋管你去佗位, 你干焦會拄著災難和失望, 一直到恁老爸 ê 話應驗 tī 你身軀."
因為我無按怎應伊 ê 話, 阮真緊 tō 分開, mā 無 koh 看著伊, 我 mā 毋知伊行佗一條路. 對我來講, 橐袋仔有寡錢, 我坐車去 London, 沿路, 一直到 hia, 我心內有濟濟 ê 滾絞, 毋知生活著行啥款 ê 路, 毋知我著轉厝 a̍h 是出海.
講著轉厝, 見笑 hō͘ 我 ê 想法大大倒彈, 我即刻想著, 厝邊隔壁會按怎笑我, hō͘ 我無面子見毋但爸母, 甚至其他所有 ê 人. 自彼時開始, 我經常發現, 咱人 ê 性地實在真荒唐 koh 譀古, 尤其是少年人, tī 這款情形, in 應該著聽理智 ê 指導 -- its [iā-tō-sī], in 無為罪過 teh 見笑, 顛倒為反悔 teh 見笑, 無為做戇事 teh 見笑, 煞為回頭 teh 見笑; 事實上, 回頭才會 hông 看做是聰明 ê 人.
不而過, 我生活 tī 這種情形一段時間, 毋知欲創啥, 生活欲行啥款路. 想著轉厝, 有一種忍不住 ê 毋情願. Án-ne tī 外口一段時間了後, 對災難 ê 記持漸漸消去, 隨著記持 ê 減輕, 我 ǹg 望轉厝 ê 小小念頭 mā 綴 teh hoa 去. 到最後, 我規个 kā he 放袂記得, koh 期待欲出海 ah.
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1.5
Had I now had the sense to have gone back to Hull, and have gone home, I had been happy, and my father, as in our blessed Saviour’s parable, had even killed the fatted calf for me; for hearing the ship I went away in was cast away in Yarmouth Roads, it was a great while before he had any assurances that I was not drowned.
But my ill fate pushed me on now with an obstinacy that nothing could resist; and though I had several times loud calls from my reason and my more composed judgment to go home, yet I had no power to do it. I know not what to call this, nor will I urge that it is a secret overruling decree, that hurries us on to be the instruments of our own destruction, even though it be before us, and that we rush upon it with our eyes open. Certainly, nothing but some such decreed unavoidable misery, which it was impossible for me to escape, could have pushed me forward against the calm reasonings and persuasions of my most retired thoughts, and against two such visible instructions as I had met with in my first attempt.
My comrade, who had helped to harden me before, and who was the master’s son, was now less forward than I. The first time he spoke to me after we were at Yarmouth, which was not till two or three days, for we were separated in the town to several quarters; I say, the first time he saw me, it appeared his tone was altered; and, looking very melancholy, and shaking his head, he asked me how I did, and telling his father who I was, and how I had come this voyage only for a trial, in order to go further abroad, his father, turning to me with a very grave and concerned tone:
“Young man,” says he, “you ought never to go to sea any more; you ought to take this for a plain and visible token that you are not to be a seafaring man.”
“Why, sir,” said I, “will you go to sea no more?”
“That is another case,” said he; “it is my calling, and therefore my duty; but as you made this voyage on trial, you see what a taste Heaven has given you of what you are to expect if you persist. Perhaps this has all befallen us on your account, like Jonah in the ship of Tarshish. Pray,” continues he, “what are you; and on what account did you go to sea?”
Upon that I told him some of my story; at the end of which he burst out into a strange kind of passion:
“What had I done,” says he, “that such an unhappy wretch should come into my ship? I would not set my foot in the same ship with thee again for a thousand pounds.”
This indeed was, as I said, an excursion of his spirits, which were yet agitated by the sense of his loss, and was farther than he could have authority to go. However, he afterwards talked very gravely to me, exhorting me to go back to my father, and not tempt Providence to my ruin, telling me I might see a visible hand of Heaven against me.
“And, young man,” said he, “depend upon it, if you do not go back, wherever you go, you will meet with nothing but disasters and disappointments, till your father’s words are fulfilled upon you.”
We parted soon after; for I made him little answer, and I saw him no more; which way he went I knew not. As for me, having some money in my pocket, I travelled to London by land; and there, as well as on the road, had many struggles with myself what course of life I should take, and whether I should go home or to sea.
As to going home, shame opposed the best motions that offered to my thoughts, and it immediately occurred to me how I should be laughed at among the neighbours, and should be ashamed to see, not my father and mother only, but even everybody else; from whence I have since often observed, how incongruous and irrational the common temper of mankind is, especially of youth, to that reason which ought to guide them in such cases—viz. that they are not ashamed to sin, and yet are ashamed to repent; not ashamed of the action for which they ought justly to be esteemed fools, but are ashamed of the returning, which only can make them be esteemed wise men.
In this state of life, however, I remained some time, uncertain what measures to take, and what course of life to lead. An irresistible reluctance continued to going home; and as I stayed away a while, the remembrance of the distress I had been in wore off, and as that abated, the little motion I had in my desires to return wore off with it, till at last I quite laid aside the thoughts of it, and looked out for a voyage.
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