14.3 Koat-sim boeh lia̍h chi̍t-ê chheⁿ-hoan
Che kiáu-tāng góa ê sim-su nn̄g-tiám gōa cheng, kek-lia̍t kah góa ê hoeh boeh kún, sim-thiàu kín kah ná hoat-sio, put-kò sī góa kui-sim ê kông-jia̍t; siūⁿ kàu khí thiám, cheng-sîn iōng-chīn, góa chiah tūi-lo̍h chhim-chhim ê khùn-bîn. Lí khó-lêng siūⁿ-kóng, góa ē bāng tio̍h he, m̄-koh góa bô, mā bô hām he siong-koan ê bāng. Góa bāng tio̍h ê sī, chá-khí góa chiàu-siông ùi siâⁿ-pó boeh chhut-khì, khòaⁿ tio̍h hái soa-po͘ ū nn̄g-chiah to̍k-bo̍k-chiu hām 11-ê chheⁿ-hoan teh chiūⁿ-hōaⁿ, in koh chhōa lēng-gōa chi̍t-ê chheⁿ-hoan, boeh kā thâi lâi chia̍h. Hut-jiân, hit-ê in boeh thâi ê chheⁿ-hoan thiàu khui, koh piàⁿ-miā cháu khui. Tī bāng-tiong, góa khòaⁿ i cháu hiòng siâⁿ-pó gōa-kháu ê ba̍t chhiū-nâ, bih tī hia. Góa khòaⁿ tio̍h kan-ta i chi̍t-lâng, bô khòaⁿ tio̍h kî-thaⁿ boeh lia̍h i ê lâng, góa tō kiâⁿ-chhut siâⁿ-pó, tùi i ia̍t-chhiú bî-chhiò, kiò i bián kiaⁿ. I hiòng góa kūi lo̍h-lâi, ká-ná teh kiû góa kiù i. Góa kí góa ê thui, kiò i peh khí-lih, koh kā chhōa kàu soaⁿ-tōng, i tō piàn-chò góa ê po̍k-jîn. Chi̍t-ē tit-tio̍h chit-ê lâng, góa tō tùi ka-tī án-ne kóng:
"Taⁿ, góa tong-jiân ē-tàng mō͘-hiám khì tāi-lio̍k ah, in-ūi chit-ê lâng ē-sái chò góa ê chhōa-lō͘, ē kà góa án-chóaⁿ chò, khì tó-ūi chhōe chia̍h-ê, mài khì tó-ūi bián-tit hông chia̍h-khì. Khì tó-ūi mō͘-hiám, tó-ūi m̄-thang khì."
Siūⁿ kàu chia, góa tō chhéⁿ khí-lâi ah. Tī bāng-tiong, góa kám-kak ū khó-lêng tit-kiù, hoaⁿ-hí kah kóng bē-lâi; tán góa chhéⁿ lâi, hoat-hiān he put-kò sī chi̍t-tiûⁿ bāng, iū-koh ke̍k sit-bōng, cheng-sîn tōa sit-lo̍h.
Put-jî-kò, kin-kì che, góa tit-tio̍h chi̍t-ê kiat-lūn: Góa chhì boeh tô-lān ê ûi-it hong-hoat sī, chīn-la̍t tit-tio̍h chi̍t-ê chheⁿ-hoan. Nā chò ē-kàu, he eng-kai sī in ê hu-ló͘, sī in phòaⁿ sí, tio̍h chhōa lâi chia thâi lâi chia̍h ê lâng. M̄-koh, chiah-ê siūⁿ-hoat iáu-sī ū khùn-lân, its nā bô kong-kek in kui-tūi lâng, koh lóng kā thâi-sí tō chò bē-kàu. Che m̄-nā sī choa̍t-bōng ê khó-giām, mā ū khó-lêng chhut chha-chhò; lēng hong-bīn, góa mā tam-sim án-ne chò kám ū ha̍p-hoat. Siūⁿ-tio̍h thâi-lâng lâu-hoeh, góa ê sim-koaⁿ tō phi̍h-pho̍k tiô, sui-bóng sī ūi-tio̍h ka-tī tit-kiù. Góa bô su-iàu tiông-ho̍k kòe-khì góa hoán-tùi án-ne chò ê lūn-tiám, in-ūi tī thâu-chêng góa bat kóng-kòe. M̄-koh, sui-bóng taⁿ góa ū kî-thaⁿ lí-iû, its hiah-ê lâng sī góa sèⁿ-miā ê te̍k-jîn, nā chò ē-kàu in ē kā góa chia̍h. Lîm-kàu sí-bông ê chū-ngó͘ kái-kiù, sī chòe-ko ê chū-ngó͘ pó-hō͘, bē khah-su in si̍t-chè kong-kek góa, góa só͘ chò ê chū-ūi, tt. Sui-bóng chiah-ê lūn-tiám ha̍p-lí, m̄-koh siūⁿ-tio̍h ūi-tio̍h ka-tī tit-kiù, pa̍t-lâng tio̍h lâu-hoeh, góa tō kám-kak khióng-pò͘, tō kú-kú bē-tàng thò-hia̍p.
Put-jî-kò, keng-kòe ka-tī chē-chē su-té-hā ê cheng-lūn, tú-tio̍h ke̍k-tōa ê mâu-tún (só͘-ū chiah-ê cheng-lūn, kō͘ chióng-chióng hong-sek, kú-kú tī góa thâu-khak lāi chhia-piàⁿ), chòe-āu, boeh-ài tit-kiù ê pek-chhiat goān-bōng chiàn-iâⁿ it-chhè, góa koat-sim boeh lia̍h chi̍t-ê chheⁿ-hoan kàu chhiú-tiong, m̄-koán siáⁿ-mih tāi-kè. Koh-lâi sī su-khó án-chóaⁿ chò, che khak-si̍t sī chin pháiⁿ koat-tēng. In-ūi siūⁿ bô-pō͘, góa koat-tēng seng koan-chhat, tī in chiūⁿ-hōaⁿ ê sî chù-ì kā khòaⁿ, kî-thaⁿ ê tāi-chì kàu-sî chiah kóng, sî-ki nā kàu chiah hêng-tōng, piān chò piān khòaⁿ.
Sim-lāi ū chiah-ê koat-tēng, góa chīn-liōng chia̍p-chia̍p cheng-chhat, khak-si̍t chia̍p kah góa sim-koaⁿ khí-ùi. Góa án-ne tán chhiau-kòe chi̍t-nî pòaⁿ, hit kî-kan tōa pō͘-hūn sī khì tó ê sai pêng hām sai-lâm kak, chha-put-to ta̍k-kang khì khòaⁿ to̍k-bo̍k-chiu, m̄-koh bô poàⁿ-chiah chhut-hiān. Che hō͘ lâng chin sit-chì, hō͘ góa khai-sí sim-koaⁿ ià-hoân, sui-bóng góa bē-sái kóng, chit-pái chhiūⁿ í-chá án-ne, hō͘ góa oân-choân hòng-khì hi-bāng. Tian-tò sī, tán-thāi lú kú, góa lú kip boeh tit-tio̍h. Chóng-kóng, góa bô chhiūⁿ kòe-khì hiah-nī sió-sim, kiaⁿ khòaⁿ-tio̍h chheⁿ-hoan, bián-tit hō͘ in khòaⁿ tio̍h, taⁿ góa jia̍t-chhiat boeh-ài hām in sio-tn̄g.
Lēng-gōa, góa jīn-ûi ka-tī ū lêng-le̍k tùi-hù chi̍t-ê chheⁿ-hoan, sīm-chì nn̄g/saⁿ-ê mā bô būn-tê. Nā kā lia̍h ji̍p-chhiú, ē-tàng hō͘ in chò góa ê lô͘-lē, kiò in chiàu góa ê chí-sī chò tāi-chì, koh ē-tit sûi-sî hông-chí in siong-hāi góa. Ū chi̍t-chām, góa ūi che siūⁿ kah chiok hoaⁿ-hí. Chiah-ê khang-siūⁿ hām kè-ōe lóng sī khang, in-ūi chiok kú chiok kú lóng bô chheⁿ-hoan chhut-hiān.
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14.3 決心欲掠一个生番
這攪動我 ê 心思兩點外鐘, 激烈 kah 我 ê 血欲滾, 心跳緊 kah ná 發燒, 不過是我規心 ê 狂熱; 想到起忝, 精神用盡, 我才墜落深深 ê 睏眠. 你可能想講, 我會夢著 he, m̄-koh 我無, mā 無 hām he 相關 ê 夢. 我夢著 ê 是, 早起我照常 ùi 城堡欲出去, 看著海沙埔有兩隻獨木舟 hām 11 个生番 teh 上岸, in koh chhōa 另外一个生番, 欲 kā 刣來食. 忽然, 彼个 in 欲刣 ê 生番跳開, koh 拚命走開. Tī 夢中, 我看伊走向城堡外口 ê 密樹林, 覕 tī hia. 我看著干焦伊一人, 無看著其他欲掠伊 ê 人, 我 tō 行出城堡, 對伊擛手微笑, 叫伊免驚. 伊向我跪落來, ká-ná teh 求我救伊. 我指我 ê 梯, 叫伊 peh 起 lih, koh kā chhōa 到山洞, 伊 tō 變做我 ê 僕人. 一下得著這个人, 我 tō 對家己 án-ne 講:
"今, 我當然會當冒險去大陸 ah, 因為這个人會使做我 ê chhōa 路, 會教我按怎做, 去佗位揣食 ê, 莫去佗位免得 hông 食去. 去佗位冒險, 佗位 m̄-thang 去."
想到 chia, 我 tō 醒起來 ah. Tī 夢中, 我感覺有可能得救, 歡喜 kah 講袂來; 等我醒來, 發現 he 不過是一場夢, 又閣極失望, 精神大失落.
不而過, 根據這, 我得著一个結論: 我試欲逃難 ê 唯一方法是, 盡力得著一个生番. 若做會到, he 應該是 in ê 俘虜, 是 in 判死, 著 chhōa 來 chia 刣來食 ê 人. M̄-koh, chiah-ê 想法猶是有困難, its 若無攻擊 in 規隊人, koh lóng kā 刣死 tō 做袂到. 這 m̄-nā 是絕望 ê 考驗, mā 有可能出差錯; 另方面, 我 mā 擔心 án-ne 做敢有合法. 想著刣人流血, 我 ê 心肝 tō phi̍h-pho̍k 趒, 雖罔是為著家己得救. 我無需要重複過去我反對 án-ne 做 ê 論點, 因為 tī 頭前我 bat 講過. M̄-koh, 雖罔今我有其他理由, its hiah-ê 人是我性命 ê 敵人, 若做會到 in 會 kā 我食. 臨到死亡 ê 自我解救, 是最高 ê 自我保護, 袂較輸 in 實際攻擊我, 我所做 ê 自衛, tt. 雖罔 chiah-ê 論點合理, m̄-koh 想著為著家己得救, 別人著流血, 我 tō 感覺恐怖, tō 久久袂當妥協.
不而過, 經過家己濟濟私底下 ê 爭論, 拄著極大 ê 矛盾 (所有 chiah-ê 爭論, kō͘ 種種方式, 久久 tī 我頭殼內捙拚), 最後, 欲愛得救 ê 迫切願望戰贏一切, 我決心欲掠一个生番到手中, 毋管啥物代價. 閣來是思考按怎做, 這確實是真歹決定. 因為想無步, 我決定先觀察, tī in 上岸 ê 時注意 kā 看, 其他 ê 代誌到時才講, 時機若到才行動, 便做便看.
心內有 chiah-ê 決定, 我盡量 chia̍p-chia̍p 偵察, 確實 chia̍p kah 我心肝起畏. 我 án-ne 等超過一年半, hit 期間大部份是去島 ê 西爿 hām 西南角, 差不多逐工去看獨木舟, m̄-koh 無半隻出現. 這予人真失志, 予我開始心肝厭煩, 雖罔我袂使講, 這擺像以早 án-ne, 予我完全放棄希望. 顛倒是, 等待 lú 久, 我 lú 急欲得著. 總講, 我無像過去 hiah-nī 小心, 驚看著生番, 免得予 in 看著, 今我熱切欲愛 hām in 相搪.
另外, 我認為家己有能力對付一个生番, 甚至兩三个 mā 無問題. 若 kā 掠入手, 會當予 in 做我 ê 奴隸, 叫 in 照我 ê 指示做代誌, koh 會得隨時防止 in 傷害我. 有一站, 我為這想 kah 足歡喜. Chiah-ê 空想 hām 計畫 lóng 是空, 因為足久足久 lóng 無生番出現.
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14.3
When this had agitated my thoughts for two hours or more, with such violence that it set my very blood into a ferment, and my pulse beat as if I had been in a fever, merely with the extraordinary fervour of my mind about it, Nature—as if I had been fatigued and exhausted with the very thoughts of it—threw me into a sound sleep. One would have thought I should have dreamed of it, but I did not, nor of anything relating to it, but I dreamed that as I was going out in the morning as usual from my castle, I saw upon the shore two canoes and eleven savages coming to land, and that they brought with them another savage whom they were going to kill in order to eat him; when, on a sudden, the savage that they were going to kill jumped away, and ran for his life; and I thought in my sleep that he came running into my little thick grove before my fortification, to hide himself; and that I seeing him alone, and not perceiving that the others sought him that way, showed myself to him, and smiling upon him, encouraged him: that he kneeled down to me, seeming to pray me to assist him; upon which I showed him my ladder, made him go up, and carried him into my cave, and he became my servant; and that as soon as I had got this man, I said to myself,
“Now I may certainly venture to the mainland, for this fellow will serve me as a pilot, and will tell me what to do, and whither to go for provisions, and whither not to go for fear of being devoured; what places to venture into, and what to shun.”
I waked with this thought; and was under such inexpressible impressions of joy at the prospect of my escape in my dream, that the disappointments which I felt upon coming to myself, and finding that it was no more than a dream, were equally extravagant the other way, and threw me into a very great dejection of spirits.
Upon this, however, I made this conclusion: that my only way to go about to attempt an escape was, to endeavour to get a savage into my possession: and, if possible, it should be one of their prisoners, whom they had condemned to be eaten, and should bring hither to kill. But these thoughts still were attended with this difficulty: that it was impossible to effect this without attacking a whole caravan of them, and killing them all; and this was not only a very desperate attempt, and might miscarry, but, on the other hand, I had greatly scrupled the lawfulness of it to myself; and my heart trembled at the thoughts of shedding so much blood, though it was for my deliverance. I need not repeat the arguments which occurred to me against this, they being the same mentioned before; but though I had other reasons to offer now—viz. that those men were enemies to my life, and would devour me if they could; that it was self-preservation, in the highest degree, to deliver myself from this death of a life, and was acting in my own defence as much as if they were actually assaulting me, and the like; I say though these things argued for it, yet the thoughts of shedding human blood for my deliverance were very terrible to me, and such as I could by no means reconcile myself to for a great while. /
However, at last, after many secret disputes with myself, and after great perplexities about it (for all these arguments, one way and another, struggled in my head a long time), the eager prevailing desire of deliverance at length mastered all the rest; and I resolved, if possible, to get one of these savages into my hands, cost what it would. My next thing was to contrive how to do it, and this, indeed, was very difficult to resolve on; but as I could pitch upon no probable means for it, so I resolved to put myself upon the watch, to see them when they came on shore, and leave the rest to the event; taking such measures as the opportunity should present, let what would be.
With these resolutions in my thoughts, I set myself upon the scout as often as possible, and indeed so often that I was heartily tired of it; for it was above a year and a half that I waited; and for great part of that time went out to the west end, and to the south-west corner of the island almost every day, to look for canoes, but none appeared. This was very discouraging, and began to trouble me much, though I cannot say that it did in this case (as it had done some time before) wear off the edge of my desire to the thing; but the longer it seemed to be delayed, the more eager I was for it: in a word, I was not at first so careful to shun the sight of these savages, and avoid being seen by them, as I was now eager to be upon them. /
Besides, I fancied myself able to manage one, nay, two or three savages, if I had them, so as to make them entirely slaves to me, to do whatever I should direct them, and to prevent their being able at any time to do me any hurt. It was a great while that I pleased myself with this affair; but nothing still presented itself; all my fancies and schemes came to nothing, for no savages came near me for a great while.
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