11.4 Kiaⁿ-hiâⁿ kóaⁿ-cháu góa ê chong-kàu sìn-gióng
Chē-chē chit-khoán tāi-chì, pang-chān góa kái-tî tùi he sī ok-mô͘ ê iu-lī. Góa sûi tit-tio̍h kiat-lūn, he tek-khak sī koh-khah hûi-hiám ê seng-bu̍t -- its tùi-bīn tāi-lio̍k ê chheⁿ-hoan, kò to̍k-bo̍k-chiu chhut-hái, hō͘ hái-lâu a̍h-sī hoán hong hō͘ in lâi-kàu chit-ê tó, chiūⁿ-hōaⁿ, jiân-āu iū-koh chhut-hái khì ah. In ê lī-khui, hoān-sè sī in-ūi in bē-giàn lâu tī chit-ê ko͘-tó, nā-bô góa tiāⁿ-tio̍h í-keng tú-tio̍h in ah.
Chiah-ê siūⁿ-hoat ná tī thâu-khak se̍h ê sî, góa mā khèng-hēng hit-sî ka-tī bô tī hia, a̍h sī hō͘ in khòaⁿ tio̍h góa ê chûn, nā-bô in tō ē chai hit só͘-chāi ū tòa lâng, hoān-sè tō ē chìn chi̍t-pō͘ lâi chhōe góa. Jiân-āu, khó-phà ê siūⁿ-hoat iū ín-khí góa loān-siūⁿ: jīn-ûi in í-keng hoat-hiān góa ê chûn, chai chia ū lâng. Nā án-ne, in tek-khak ē lâi koh-khah chē lâng, lâi lia̍h góa khì chia̍h. Tō-kóng in bô chhōe tio̍h góa, in mā ē chhōe tio̍h góa ê ûi-chhiûⁿ, phò-hoāi it-chhè góa ê ngó͘-kok, chah cháu it-chhè góa ê iûⁿ-tīn, án-ne góa mā ē in-ūi bô niû-si̍t lâi iau-sí.
Kiaⁿ-hiâⁿ kóaⁿ-cháu góa choân-pō͘ ê chong-kàu sìn-gióng, it-chhè chá-chêng tùi Sîn ê sìn-sim, he sī kiàn-li̍p tī tùi I ê jîn-chû ê kî-biāu keng-giām. Bē-su kòe-khì tùi góa hián kî-chek ê I, bô koh ū Khoân-lêng pó-chhî I hó-sim ūi góa thê-kiong ê niû-si̍t. Góa chek-pī ka-tī in-ūi pîn-tōaⁿ m̄-khéng ke chèng-choh, chi̍t-nî kan-ta chèng kàu-gia̍h chia̍h kàu āu chi̍t-kùi, bē-su bē ū ì-gōa hāi góa chia̍h bē-tio̍h ùi thó͘-tē ê siu-sêng. Góa jīn-ûi, chit-chióng chū-ngó͘ chek-pī ū tō-lí, tō koat-tēng í-āu it-tēng tio̍h tūn-chek nn̄g/saⁿ-nî ê ngó͘-kok, bián-tit in-ūi siáⁿ-sū hāi góa sí tī bô pn̄g thang chia̍h.
Jîn-seng ū-kàu sêng Thiⁿ-kong kiâⁿ ê chi̍t-pôaⁿ koài kî! tī bô kāng ê khoân-kéng, lâng ê sim-chêng piàn-hòa bû-siông! Kin-á-ji̍t lán ài-ê, bîn-á-chài lán oàn; kin-á-ji̍t lán tui-ê, bîn-á-chài lán siám; kin-á-ji̍t lán giàn-ê, bîn-á-chài lán tám, m̄-tio̍h, sīm-chì kiaⁿ kah phi̍h-phi̍h chhoah. Chit-sî ê góa tō sī chi̍t-ê oa̍h thiàu-thiàu ê lē. In-ūi góa, ûi-it ê thòng-khó͘ sī, góa ká-ná hông kóaⁿ chhut jîn-lūi siā-hōe, ko͘ chi̍t-lâng, hō͘ bô-piⁿ ê hái-iûⁿ pau-ûi, bô lâng-phōaⁿ, cho-siū che̍k-bo̍k seng-oa̍h ê chhú-hoa̍t. Góa tō ná-chhiūⁿ Thiⁿ-kong jīn-ûi bô ta̍t-tit sǹg-gia̍h ê sèⁿ-miā, bô ta̍t-tit chhut-hiān tī I ê chō-bu̍t tiong-kan. Nā ē-tit khòaⁿ tio̍h chi̍t-ê tông-lūi, tō hō͘ góa ká-ná ùi sí koh oa̍h, sī Thiⁿ sù ê chòe-tōa hēng-hok, sī óa-kīn kiù-sio̍k ê chòe-ko un-sù. Á taⁿ neh, chi̍t-ē gî-sim ē khòaⁿ tio̍h lâng, góa soah khí-chhoah, tan-tan khòaⁿ tio̍h bô-siaⁿ bô-soeh ê iáⁿ-jiah, hoâi-gî chit-ê tó bat ū lâng ta̍h-kha-kàu, góa tō kui-ê boeh chǹg ji̍p thô͘ ah.
Che tō sī jîn-seng ê piàn-hòa to-toan. Tán góa ùi tio̍h-kiaⁿ sió-khóa hôe-ho̍k liáu-āu, góa sán-seng chē-chē tùi jîn-seng ê hòⁿ-kî thui-chhek. Góa jīn-ûi, che sī Sîn ê tōa tì-hūi, tōa jîn-chû ūi góa só͘ chò ê an-pâi. Kì-jiân bô hoat-tō͘ ī-liāu chit lāi-bīn Thiⁿ-ì ê bo̍k-tek sī siáⁿ, góa m̄-thang ûi-pōe I ê khoân-ui. Kì-jiân góa sī I só͘ chhòng-chō, I tō tùi góa ū choa̍t-tùi ê khoân-le̍k, chiàu I ê ì-sù chi-phòe góa, chhú-tì góa. Góa bat kā mō͘-hoān, I tong-jiân ū khoân phòaⁿ-koat góa cho-siū I jīn-ûi sek-tòng ê chhú-hoa̍t. Góa bat tùi I hoān chōe-kò, góa tio̍h sêng-siū I ê hùn-nō͘. Jiân-āu, góa iū-koh siūⁿ, put-tān kong-chèng jî-chhiáⁿ bān-lêng ê Sîn, jīn-ûi sek-ha̍p án-ne chhú-hoa̍t hām chiat-bôa góa, I mā ē-tit kái-kiù góa. I nā jīn-ûi bô eng-kai kái-kiù góa, góa tō eng-kai jīn-miā, choa̍t-tùi koh oân-choân ho̍k-chiông I ê chí-ì. Lēng-gōa, góa mā tio̍h tùi I kià hi-bāng, hiòng I kî-tó, chēng-chēng thèng-hāu I ji̍t-siông chí-ì ê hoan-hù hām chí-sī.
Chiah-ê su-khó khai góa chē-chē sî-kan, kúi-ā kang, m̄-tio̍h, ē-sái kóng sī kúi-ā lé-pài, sīm-chì kúi-ā kò goe̍h. Che su-khó tùi góa ū chi̍t-ê te̍k-pia̍t ê hāu-kó, góa tio̍h tī chia thê-khí. Chi̍t-kang thàu-chá, tó tī bîn-chhn̂g, kui-sim teh siūⁿ chheⁿ-hoan chhut-hiān tùi góa ê hûi-hiám, góa kám-kak hui-siông put-an. Chit-sî, góa siūⁿ tio̍h Sèng-keng téng-bīn ê ōe:
"Ū khùn-lân tō kiò Góa, góa tō kiù lí, lí tio̍h o-ló Góa."
Siūⁿ kàu chia, góa sûi hoaⁿ-hí khí-chhn̂g, góa ê sim m̄-nā tit-tio̍h aan-ùi, góa koh-khah tit-tio̍h chí-sī hām kó͘-bú, khiân-sêng hiòng Sîn kî-tó tit-tio̍h kái-kiù. Kî-tó liáu, góa the̍h-khí Sèng-keng, hian-khui lâi tha̍k, chhut-hiān ê tē-it kù ōe sī:
"Tán-thāi Chú, sim-chêng pàng-khui, I ē kian-kò͘ lí ê sim; lí tio̍h tán-thāi Chú."
Chit-kù ōe hō͘ góa ê an-ùi bô hoat-tō͘ piáu-ta̍t. Chū án-ne, góa pàng-lo̍h chheh, móa-móa kám-kek, bô koh pi-siong, siōng-bô hit-sî sī án-ne.
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11.4 驚惶趕走我 ê 宗教信仰
濟濟這款代誌, 幫贊我解除對彼是惡魔 ê 憂慮. 我隨得著結論, 彼的確是閣較危險 ê 生物 -- its 對面大陸 ê 生番, 划獨木舟出海, 予海流 a̍h 是反風予 in 來到這个島, 上岸, 然後又閣出海去 ah. In ê 離開, 凡勢是因為 in 袂癮留 tī 這个孤島, 若無我定著已經拄著 in ah.
Chiah-ê 想法 ná tī 頭殼踅 ê 時, 我 mā 慶幸彼時家己無 tī hia, a̍h 是予 in 看著我 ê 船, 若無 in tō 會知彼所在有蹛人, 凡勢 tō 會進一步來揣我. 然後, 可怕 ê 想法又引起我亂想: 認為 in 已經發現我 ê 船, 知 chia 有人. 若 án-ne, in 的確會來閣較濟人, 來掠我去食. Tō 講 in 無揣著我, in mā 會揣著我 ê 圍牆, 破壞一切我 ê 五穀, 扎走一切我 ê 羊陣, án-ne 我 mā 會因為無糧食來枵死.
驚惶趕走我全部 ê 宗教信仰, 一切早前對神 ê 信心, 彼是建立 tī 對伊 ê 仁慈 ê 奇妙經驗. 袂輸過去 tùi 我顯奇蹟 ê 伊, 無 koh 有權能保持伊好心為我提供 ê 糧食. 我責備家己因為貧惰毋肯加種作, 一年干焦種夠額食到後一季, 袂輸袂有意外害我食袂著 ùi 土地 ê 收成. 我認為, 這種自我責備有道理, tō 決定以後一定著屯積兩三年 ê 五穀, 免得因為啥事害我死 tī 無飯 thang 食.
人生有夠成天公行 ê 一盤怪棋! tī 無仝 ê 環境, 人 ê 心情變化無常! 今仔日咱愛 ê, 明仔載咱怨; 今仔日咱追 ê, 明仔載咱閃; 今仔日咱癮 ê, 明仔載咱 tám, 毋著, 甚至驚 kah phi̍h-phi̍h 掣. 這時 ê 我 tō 是一个活跳跳 ê 例. 因為我, 唯一 ê 痛苦是, 我 ká-ná hông 趕出人類社會, 孤一人, 予無邊 ê 海洋包圍, 無人伴, 遭受寂寞生活 ê 處罰. 我 tō ná 像天公認為無值得算額 ê 性命, 無值得出現 tī 伊 ê 造物中間. 若會得看著一个同類, tō 予我 ká-ná ùi 死 koh 活, 是天賜 ê 最大幸福, 是倚近救贖 ê 最高恩賜. Á 今 neh, 一下疑心會看著人, 我煞起掣, 單單看著無聲無說 ê 影跡, 懷疑這个島 bat 有人踏跤到, 我 tō 規个欲鑽入塗 ah.
這 tō 是人生 ê 變化多端. 等我 ùi 著驚小可回復了後, 我產生濟濟對人生 ê 好奇推測. 我認為, 這是神 ê 大智慧, 大仁慈為我所做 ê 安排. 既然無法度預料這內面天意 ê 目的是啥, 我毋通違背伊 ê 權威. 既然我是伊所創造, 伊 tō 對我有絕對 ê 權力, 照伊 ê 意思支配我, 處置我. 我 bat kā 冒犯, 伊當然有權判決我遭受伊認為適當 ê 處罰. 我 bat 對伊犯罪過, 我著承受伊 ê 憤怒. 然後, 我又閣想, 不但公正而且萬能 ê 神, 認為適合 án-ne 處罰和折磨我, 伊 mā 會得解救我. 伊若認為無應該解救我, 我 tō 應該認命, 絕對 koh 完全服從伊 ê 旨意. 另外, 我 mā 著對伊寄希望, 向伊祈禱, 靜靜聽候伊日常旨意 ê 吩咐和指示.
Chiah-ê 思考開我濟濟時間, 幾若工, 毋著, 會使講是幾若禮拜, 甚至幾若個月. 這思考對我有一个特別 ê 效果, 我著 tī chia 提起. 一工透早, 倒 tī 眠床, 規心 teh 想生番出現對我 ê 危險, 我感覺非常不安. 這時, 我想著聖經頂面 ê 話:
"有困難 tō 叫我, 我 tō 救你, 你著 o-ló 我."
想到 chia, 我隨歡喜起床, 我 ê 心毋但得著安慰, 我閣較得著指示和鼓舞, 虔誠向神祈禱得著解救. 祈禱了, 我提起聖經, 掀開來讀, 出現 ê 第一句話是:
"等待主, 心情放開, 伊會堅固你 ê 心; 你著等待主."
這句話予我 ê 安慰無法度表達. 自 án-ne, 我放落冊, 滿滿感激, 無 koh 悲傷, 上無彼時是 án-ne.
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11.4
Abundance of such things as these assisted to argue me out of all apprehensions of its being the devil; and I presently concluded then that it must be some more dangerous creature—viz. that it must be some of the savages of the mainland opposite who had wandered out to sea in their canoes, and either driven by the currents or by contrary winds, had made the island, and had been on shore, but were gone away again to sea; being as loath, perhaps, to have stayed in this desolate island as I would have been to have had them.
While these reflections were rolling in my mind, I was very thankful in my thoughts that I was so happy as not to be thereabouts at that time, or that they did not see my boat, by which they would have concluded that some inhabitants had been in the place, and perhaps have searched farther for me. Then terrible thoughts racked my imagination about their having found out my boat, and that there were people here; and that, if so, I should certainly have them come again in greater numbers and devour me; that if it should happen that they should not find me, yet they would find my enclosure, destroy all my corn, and carry away all my flock of tame goats, and I should perish at last for mere want.
Thus my fear banished all my religious hope, all that former confidence in God, which was founded upon such wonderful experience as I had had of His goodness; as if He that had fed me by miracle hitherto could not preserve, by His power, the provision which He had made for me by His goodness. I reproached myself with my laziness, that would not sow any more corn one year than would just serve me till the next season, as if no accident could intervene to prevent my enjoying the crop that was upon the ground; and this I thought so just a reproof, that I resolved for the future to have two or three years’ corn beforehand; so that, whatever might come, I might not perish for want of bread.
How strange a chequer-work of Providence is the life of man! and by what secret different springs are the affections hurried about, as different circumstances present! To-day we love what to-morrow we hate; to-day we seek what to-morrow we shun; to-day we desire what to-morrow we fear, nay, even tremble at the apprehensions of. This was exemplified in me, at this time, in the most lively manner imaginable; for I, whose only affliction was that I seemed banished from human society, that I was alone, circumscribed by the boundless ocean, cut off from mankind, and condemned to what I call silent life; that I was as one whom Heaven thought not worthy to be numbered among the living, or to appear among the rest of His creatures; that to have seen one of my own species would have seemed to me a raising me from death to life, and the greatest blessing that Heaven itself, next to the supreme blessing of salvation, could bestow; I say, that I should now tremble at the very apprehensions of seeing a man, and was ready to sink into the ground at but the shadow or silent appearance of a man having set his foot in the island.
Such is the uneven state of human life; and it afforded me a great many curious speculations afterwards, when I had a little recovered my first surprise. I considered that this was the station of life the infinitely wise and good providence of God had determined for me; that as I could not foresee what the ends of Divine wisdom might be in all this, so I was not to dispute His sovereignty; who, as I was His creature, had an undoubted right, by creation, to govern and dispose of me absolutely as He thought fit; and who, as I was a creature that had offended Him, had likewise a judicial right to condemn me to what punishment He thought fit; and that it was my part to submit to bear His indignation, because I had sinned against Him. I then reflected, that as God, who was not only righteous but omnipotent, had thought fit thus to punish and afflict me, so He was able to deliver me: that if He did not think fit to do so, it was my unquestioned duty to resign myself absolutely and entirely to His will; and, on the other hand, it was my duty also to hope in Him, pray to Him, and quietly to attend to the dictates and directions of His daily providence.
These thoughts took me up many hours, days, nay, I may say weeks and months: and one particular effect of my cogitations on this occasion I cannot omit. One morning early, lying in my bed, and filled with thoughts about my danger from the appearances of savages, I found it discomposed me very much; upon which these words of the Scripture came into my thoughts,
“Call upon Me in the day of trouble, and I will deliver thee, and thou shalt glorify Me.”
Upon this, rising cheerfully out of my bed, my heart was not only comforted, but I was guided and encouraged to pray earnestly to God for deliverance: when I had done praying I took up my Bible, and opening it to read, the first words that presented to me were,
“Wait on the Lord, and be of good cheer, and He shall strengthen thy heart; wait, I say, on the Lord.”
It is impossible to express the comfort this gave me. In answer, I thankfully laid down the book, and was no more sad, at least on that occasion.
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11.5
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