9.7 Hoán-séng hō͘ góa chai kám-un
Ū-sî, góa khai kúi-ā tiám-cheng, sīm-chì kúi-ā kang, kō͘ siōng seng-tōng ê sek-chhái, chò chū-ngó͘ hoán-séng: nā bô hiah-ê ùi chûn-téng chah-lo̍h ê mi̍h-kiāⁿ, góa boeh án-chóaⁿ hó? Tî-liáu hî hām hái-ku, góa thài-thó ū jīm-hô chia̍h-mi̍h, koh-kóng, he sī chin kú í-āu chiah hoat-hiān, góa chá tō iau-sí ah. Tō-kóng, góa bô iau-sí, góa mā tio̍h kòe ná chheⁿ-hoan ê seng-oa̍h. Tō-kóng góa kō͘ jīm-hô hoat-tō͘ phah-sí chi̍t-chiah soaⁿ-iûⁿ a̍h iá-khîm, góa mā bô hoat-tō͘ kā thâi, kā koah, a̍h kā pak phôe, kā chhiat bah, soah tio̍h ná iá-siù án-ne kō͘ chhùi-khí gè, kō͘ chhiú-jiáu liah.
Chiah-ê hoán-séng hō͘ góa chhim-chhim kám-kak Thiⁿ-ì tùi góa ê jîn-chû, sui-bóng góa bo̍k-chêng chōng-hóng put-chí-á khùn-khó͘, góa mā chhiong-móa kám-un. Góa mā kā chit-khoán hoán-séng thui-chiàn hō͘ hiah-ê tī khó͘-lān tiong chhiâng-chāi kóng, "Ū siáng chhiūⁿ góa siū chit-chióng khó͘-lān ah?" ê lâng. In tio̍h su-khó, ū gōa-chē lâng pí in koh-khah chhi-chhám ah; in mā ū khó-lêng hiah chhi-chhám, jû-kó Sîn-ì jīn-ûi sek-ha̍p án-ne.
Góa iáu-ū chi̍t-ê hoán-séng, i pang-chān góa kō͘ hi-bāng lâi an-ùi góa ê sim. He tō sī, kō͘ góa bo̍k-chêng ê chōng-hóng hām góa eng-kai tit-tio̍h, ha̍p-lí-tek ē-tàng kî-thāi ùi Thiⁿ-ì tit-tio̍h--ê chò pí-kàu. Kòe-khì, góa kòe khó-phà ê seng-oa̍h, oân-choân khiàm-khoeh tùi Sîn ê jīn-bat hām kèng-ùi. Góa ùi pē-bú tit-tio̍h chin hó ê kà-sī, chin chá in tō koàn-su góa tùi Sîn ê khiân-sêng kèng-ùi, jīn-bat ka-tī ê chek-jīm, bêng-pe̍k chò-lâng ê bo̍k-tek hām tō-lí. Tān-sī, ai-ah! góa chin chá tō lûn-lo̍h hâng-hái ê seng-oa̍h, he sī siōng bô kèng-ùi Sîn ê hâng-gia̍p, sui-bóng in sî-sî bīn-tùi Sîn hō͘ in ê khióng-pò͘. Ē-sái án-ne kóng, chin chá chìn-ji̍p hâng-hái seng-oa̍h, kap hái-oân chò tông-phōaⁿ, chá-chêng tit-tio̍h ê chi̍t sut-sut-á chong-kàu ì-sek, chá tō hō͘ tông-phōaⁿ chhiò kah bô liáu-liáu. Góa khin-sī hûi-hiám hām sí-bông, in-ūi tî-liáu hái-oân tông-phōaⁿ, góa tn̂g-kî bô ki-hōe hām pa̍t-lâng kau-tâm, só͘-tì bô thiaⁿ-tio̍h siáⁿ siān-liông a̍h hó-ì ê ōe-gí.
Góa khang kah bô chi̍t-hāng hó, m̄-chai ka-tī sī siáⁿ, boeh chhòng-siáⁿ, sīm-chì tī tit-tio̍h tōa un-hūi ê sî -- pí-jû kóng, sêng-kong tô-lī Sallee, hō͘ Portugal chûn-tiúⁿ kiù-khí, tī Brazil ê chèng-choh hiah-nī sêng-kong, chiap tio̍h ùi Eng-kok lâi ê hòe-bu̍t, tt -- góa ê sim-lāi a̍h chhùi-lāi m̄-bat kóng chi̍t-kù ōe kám-siā Sîn. Tī tú-tio̍h tōa chai-lān ê sî, mā m̄-bat siūⁿ boeh kî-tó Sîn, a̍h kóng chhut:
"Chú ah, chhiáⁿ liân-bín góa!"
Bô, tī góa chhùi-lāi, liân Sîn ê miâ tō m̄-bat kóng-khí, tî-hui sī teh kàn-kiāu a̍h teh siat-to̍k hit-ê miâ.
Tō ná góa thâu-chêng kóng-kòe án-ne, liân-sòa kúi-kò goe̍h, góa chhim-khek hoán-séng ka-tī kòe-khì seng-oa̍h ê kò͘-chip hām chōe-kò. Góa khòaⁿ góa ê sì-kho͘ liàn-tńg, siūⁿ tio̍h chū-chiông lâi kàu chit-ê só͘-chāi tit-tio̍h ê un-sù, Sîn tùi góa sī gōa-nī jîn-chû ū-liōng ah -- m̄-nā bô chhú-hoa̍t góa kòe-khì ê chōe-gia̍t, koh chiah-nī khóng-khài chiàu-kò͘ góa -- che hō͘ góa sán-seng tōa hi-bāng, góa ê hoán-hóe tit-tio̍h jiâu-sià, Sîn mā ūi góa khoán hó liân-bín.
--
9.7 反省予我知感恩
有時, 我開幾若點鐘, 甚至幾若工, kō͘ 上生動 ê 色彩, 做自我反省: 若無 hiah-ê ùi 船頂扎落 ê 物件, 我欲按怎好? 除了魚和海龜, 我汰討有任何 chia̍h-mi̍h, 閣講, 彼是真久以後才發現, 我早 tō 枵死 ah. Tō 講, 我無枵死, 我 mā 著過 ná 生番 ê 生活. Tō 講我 kō͘ 任何法度拍死一隻山羊 a̍h 野禽, 我 mā 無法度 kā 刣, kā 割, a̍h kā 剝皮, kā 切肉, soah 著 ná 野獸 án-ne kō͘ 喙齒嚙, kō͘ 手爪裂.
Chiah-ê 反省予我深深感覺天意對我 ê 仁慈, 雖罔我目前狀況不止仔困苦, 我 mā 充滿感恩. 我 mā kā 這款反省推薦予 hiah-ê tī 苦難中常在講, "有 siáng 像我受這種苦難 ah?" ê 人. In 著思考, 有偌濟人比 in 閣較悽慘 ah; in mā 有可能 hiah 悽慘, 如果神意認為適合 án-ne.
我猶有一个反省, 伊幫贊我 kō͘ 希望來安慰我 ê 心. 彼 tō 是, kō͘ 我目前 ê 狀況和我應該得著, 合理 tek ē-tàng 期待 ùi 天意得著 ê 做比較. 過去, 我過可怕 ê 生活, 完全欠缺對神 ê jīn-bat 和敬畏. 我 ùi 爸母得著真好 ê 教示, 真早 in tō 灌輸我對神 ê 虔誠敬畏, jīn-bat 家己 ê 責任, 明白做人 ê 目的和道理. 但是, ai-ah! 我真早 tō 淪落航海 ê 生活, 彼是上無敬畏神 ê 行業, 雖罔 in 時時面對神予 in ê 恐怖. 會使 án-ne 講, 真早進入航海生活, kap 海員做同伴, 早前得著 ê 一屑屑仔宗教意識, 早 tō 予同伴笑 kah 無了了. 我輕視危險和死亡, 因為除了海員同伴, 我長期無機會和別人交談, 所致無聽著啥善良 a̍h 好意 ê 話語.
我空 kah 無一項好, 毋知家己是啥, 欲創啥, 甚至 tī 得著大恩惠 ê 時 -- 比如講, 成功逃離 Sallee, 予 Portugal 船長救起, tī Brazil ê 種作 hiah-nī 成功, 接著 ùi 英國來 ê 貨物, tt -- 我 ê 心內 a̍h 喙內 m̄-bat 講一句話感謝神. Tī 拄著大災難 ê 時, mā m̄-bat 想欲祈禱神, a̍h 講出:
"主 ah, 請憐憫我!"
無, tī 我喙內, 連神 ê 名 tō m̄-bat 講起, 除非是 teh 姦撟 a̍h teh 褻瀆彼个名.
Tō ná 我頭前講過 án-ne, 連紲幾個月, 我深刻反省家己過去生活 ê 固執和罪過. 我看我 ê 四箍輾轉, 想著自從來到這个所在得著 ê 恩賜, 神對我是 gōa-nī 仁慈有量 ah -- 毋但無處罰我過去 ê 罪孽, koh chiah-nī 慷慨照顧我 -- 這予我產生大希望, 我 ê 反悔得著饒赦, 神 mā 為我款好憐憫.
--
9.7
I spent whole hours, I may say whole days, in representing to myself, in the most lively colours, how I must have acted if I had got nothing out of the ship. How I could not have so much as got any food, except fish and turtles; and that, as it was long before I found any of them, I must have perished first; that I should have lived, if I had not perished, like a mere savage; that if I had killed a goat or a fowl, by any contrivance, I had no way to flay or open it, or part the flesh from the skin and the bowels, or to cut it up; but must gnaw it with my teeth, and pull it with my claws, like a beast.
These reflections made me very sensible of the goodness of Providence to me, and very thankful for my present condition, with all its hardships and misfortunes; and this part also I cannot but recommend to the reflection of those who are apt, in their misery, to say,
“Is any affliction like mine?”
Let them consider how much worse the cases of some people are, and their case might have been, if Providence had thought fit.
I had another reflection, which assisted me also to comfort my mind with hopes; and this was comparing my present situation with what I had deserved, and had therefore reason to expect from the hand of Providence. I had lived a dreadful life, perfectly destitute of the knowledge and fear of God. I had been well instructed by father and mother; neither had they been wanting to me in their early endeavours to infuse a religious awe of God into my mind, a sense of my duty, and what the nature and end of my being required of me. But, alas! falling early into the seafaring life, which of all lives is the most destitute of the fear of God, though His terrors are always before them; I say, falling early into the seafaring life, and into seafaring company, all that little sense of religion which I had entertained was laughed out of me by my messmates; by a hardened despising of dangers, and the views of death, which grew habitual to me by my long absence from all manner of opportunities to converse with anything but what was like myself, or to hear anything that was good or tended towards it.
So void was I of everything that was good, or the least sense of what I was, or was to be, that, in the greatest deliverances I enjoyed—such as my escape from Sallee; my being taken up by the Portuguese master of the ship; my being planted so well in the Brazils; my receiving the cargo from England, and the like—I never had once the words
“Thank God!” so much as on my mind, or in my mouth; nor in the greatest distress had I so much as a thought to pray to Him, or so much as to say,
“Lord, have mercy upon me!” no, nor to mention the name of God, unless it was to swear by, and blaspheme it.
I had terrible reflections upon my mind for many months, as I have already observed, on account of my wicked and hardened life past; and when I looked about me, and considered what particular providences had attended me since my coming into this place, and how God had dealt bountifully with me—had not only punished me less than my iniquity had deserved, but had so plentifully provided for me—this gave me great hopes that my repentance was accepted, and that God had yet mercy in store for me.
--
No comments:
Post a Comment