1.2 我離家出海

1.2 Góa lī-ka chhut-hái [Gí-im]

Góa chù-ì tio̍h, i chòe-āu kóng ê chiah-ê ōe, khak-si̍t sī chin-chiàⁿ ê ī-giân, sui-jiân góa siūⁿ, goán lāu-pē ka-tī mā m̄-chai ē án-ne -- góa khòaⁿ i móa-bīn ê ba̍k-sái, iû-kî sī, kóng kàu goán tōa-hiaⁿ chiàn-sí ê sî: iû-kî sī, kóng-kàu góa hoah-kiù bô-lâng ìn teh hiō-hóe ê sî, i tōa-tōa kek-tōng, soah bô hoat-tō͘ kè-sio̍k, tō kā góa kóng, i sim cha̍t kah ōe kóng bē chhut-lâi ah.

Chit-pái ê kóng-ōe hō͘ góa tōa kám-tōng, kóng si̍t-chāi, siáng bē án-ne ah? Góa koat-sim m̄-ài koh siūⁿ chhut-hái ê tāi-chì, boeh chiàu goán lāu-pē ê ì-sù, lâu tī ka-hiong. M̄-koh, thiⁿ ah! kòe bô kúi-kang, che tō lóng o͘-iú khì ah. Kán-tan kóng, ūi tio̍h mài hō͘ goán lāu-pē tîⁿ tio̍h, ū kúi-ā lé-pài góa koat-sim lī i hn̄g-hn̄g. Tān-sī, góa mā bô chhiūⁿ khí-chho͘ ê koat-tēng hiah-nī kóaⁿ-kín. Góa tán goán lāu-bú sim-chêng khòaⁿ khí-lâi pí pêng-sî khah hó ê sî, kā yi kóng, góa it-sim siūⁿ boeh khòaⁿ gōa-bīn ê sè-kài, kî-thaⁿ tāi-chì siáⁿ to bô-ài chò, goán lāu-pē siōng-hó sī tah-èng góa, m̄-thang kā góa pek-cháu. Góa í-keng 18 hòe, í-keng bô sek-ha̍p o̍h chhiú-gē a̍h chò lu̍t-su chō͘-chhiú ah. Góa siong-sìn, khì o̍h, góa mā chò bē kàu kî-hān, tō cháu lī-khui sai-hū, tō cháu khì chhut-hái. Yi nā khǹg goán lāu-pē, hō͘ góa chhut-hái chi̍t-pái, tán góa tńg-lâi, kám-kak bô kah-ì he, góa tō bē koh chhut-khì ah. Góa pó-chèng, góa ē têng-pōe phah-piàⁿ, lâi mí-pó͘ lōng-hùi khì ê sî-kan.

Che hō͘ goán lāu-bú chiâⁿ siū-khì; yi kā góa kóng, yi chai-iáⁿ khì kā goán lāu-pē kóng chit-lō tāi-chì bô lō͘-iōng. Lāu-pē chin chheng-chhó góa ê lī-ek tī tó-ūi, bô khó-lêng tah-èng chit-chióng tùi góa ū-hāi ê tāi-chì. Yi kám-kak hòⁿ-kî, tī góa hām lāu-pē kau-tâm, lāu-pē koh tùi góa kóng hiah-chē un-jiû ê ōe liáu-āu, góa ná-ē iáu teh siūⁿ chit-khoán tāi-chì. Yi koh kóng, chóng-kóng, góa nā boeh húi-hāi ka-tī, bô-lâng ē tàu-saⁿ-kāng; góa ē-tàng khéng-tēng ê sī, góa éng-oán bē tit-tio̍h in ê tông-ì. Chiū yi lâi kóng, yi mā bē chhut-chhiú chham-ka góa ê húi-hāi; bián-tit í-āu góa kóng, hit-sî goán lāu-bú ū tông-ì, sui-bóng lāu-pē bô.

Sui-jiân lāu-bú m̄-khéng hiòng lāu-pē kā góa kiû-chêng, m̄-koh āu-lâi góa thiaⁿ kóng, yi kā goán ê kau-tâm kóng hō͘ i thiaⁿ. Lāu-pē thiaⁿ liáu chin hoân-ló, thó͘ chi̍t-ê tōa-khùi tùi yi kóng: 

"Chit-ê gín-á nā lâu tī chhù-ni̍h, ē chin hēng-hok; m̄-koh, i nā kàu hái-gōa khì, tō ē sī choân sè-kài chòe put-hēng ê lâng: góa bē-tàng tông-ì."

It-ti̍t kàu chha-put-to chi̍t-nî liáu-āu, góa chiah cháu lī-khui. Tī chit tiong-kan, góa kian-chhî m̄-thiaⁿ jīm-hô khǹg góa o̍h chò seng-lí ê kiàn-gī, koh tiāⁿ-tiāⁿ hām pē-bú cheng-lūn, kóng in bêng-chai góa ê hèng-chhù, ná-ē koh boeh hoán-tùi.

Ū chi̍t-kang, góa sûi-ì lâi kàu Hull, hit-sî pēng bô boeh su-té-hā cháu khui ê ì-sù. M̄-koh, góa lâng kàu hia, tú tio̍h chi̍t-ê pêng-iú, kóng i boeh chē in lāu-pē ê chûn khì London, kō͘ kiâⁿ-chûn-lâng ê hong-sek siâⁿ góa hām in tâng-chê khì, kóng góa m̄-bián bé chûn-phiò. Góa bô koh mn̄g goán pē-bú, mā bô kià sìn-sit hō͘ in chai; góa siūⁿ, in chá-bān ē thàm-thiaⁿ tio̍h. Chū án-ne, góa bô kiû Sîn ê pó-pì, a̍h goán lāu-pē ê chiok-hok, mā bô khó-lī hit-sî ê chōng-hóng hām bī-lâi ê hiō-kó, tī 1651 nî 9 goe̍h chhe 1 ê chi̍t-ê pháiⁿ sî-sîn, che Thiⁿ-kong chiah chai, góa peh-chiūⁿ chi̍t-chiah óng London ê chûn. 

Góa siong-sìn, m̄-bat ū siàu-liân mō͘-hiám-ka chhiūⁿ góa án-ne, chi̍t-ē chhut-mn̂g tō lak-soe, iū-koh lak-soe chiah-nī kú. Goán ê chûn tú sái chhut Humber Hô, sûi tú-tio̍h tōa hóng, hái-éng koân kah kiaⁿ-tó-lâng. In-ūi góa m̄-bat chhut kòe hái, sin-khu hām sim-chêng lóng ū kóng bē-chhut ê kan-khó͘ hām kiaⁿ-hiâⁿ. Chit-sî, góa khai-sí chhim-chhim hoán-hóe góa ê só͘ chò: góa chok-gia̍t lī-khui chó͘ chhù, bô chīn kiáⁿ-jî ê gī-bū, taⁿ kai-tong siū tio̍h Thiⁿ-kong ê khián-chek. 

It-chhè goán pē-bú ê hó kiàn-gī, lāu-pē ê ba̍k-sái hām lāu-bú ê khún-kiû, taⁿ lóng koh chheng-chhó chhut-hiān tī góa ê sim-lāi. Góa ê liông-sim iáu bô chhiūⁿ í-āu hiah ngē, góa khai-sí chek-pī ka-tī, bô eng-kai m̄-thiaⁿ khó͘-khǹg, ûi-pōe tùi Thiⁿ hām tùi lāu-pē ê gī-bū.

Chit-sî, hong-hō͘ lú tōa, hái-éng giâ chin koân, sui-jiân hām góa í-āu tú tio̍h ê tōa hong-lōng bô-tè pí, mā bô chhiūⁿ góa kúi-kang í-āu só͘ tú tio̍h ê án-ne. Che í-keng ū-kàu éng-hióng hit-sî ê góa, góa put-kò sī chi̍t-ê chhài-chiáu chúi-chhiú, tùi chit-khoán tāi-chì choân-jiân m̄-chai. Goán kám-kak, múi chi̍t-ê éng lóng khó-lêng ē kā goán thun-chia̍h. Ta̍k-pái, chûn chhiūⁿ góa só͘ siūⁿ ê án-ne kàng lo̍h tī hái-chô a̍h hái khut ê sî, goán éng-oán to bē koh peh khí-lâi ah. Tī chit-chióng put-an ê sim-chêng, góa chi̍t-pái koh chi̍t-pái chiù-chōa koh koat-sim, jû-kó Sîn tī chit-pái hâng-hái jiâu góa chi̍t-tiâu miā, góa nā ē-tàng koh kha ta̍h lio̍k-tē, góa tō boeh chek-khek tńg kàu lāu-pē sin-piⁿ, it-seng m̄ koh chē-chûn chhut-hái. Góa boeh thiaⁿ i ê kiàn-gī, éng-oán bē koh hō͘ ka-tī jiá chit-chióng khó͘-lān. Taⁿ, góa chheng-chhó khòaⁿ tio̍h, i tùi tiong-chân seng-oa̍h ê koan-chhat chin ū tō-lí: i ê ji̍t-chí kòe liáu gōa-nī khin-sang, gōa-nī sù-sī, m̄-bat tú tio̍h hái-siōng ê hong-hō͘, mā bô lio̍k-tē siōng ê kan-khó͘. Góa koat-sim boeh chò chi̍t-ê chhàm-hóe ê lōng-chú, hôe-thâu tńg chhù, tńg goán lāu-pē sin-piⁿ.

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1.2 我離家出海 [語音]

我注意著, 伊最後講 ê chiah-ê 話, 確實是真正 ê 預言, 雖然我想, 阮老爸家己 mā 毋知會 án-ne -- 我看伊滿面 ê 目屎, 尤其是, 講到阮大兄戰死 ê 時: 尤其是, 講到我喝救無人應 teh 後悔 ê 時, 伊大大激動, 煞無法度繼續, tō kā 我講, 伊心 cha̍t kah 話講袂出來 ah.

這擺 ê 講話 hō͘ 我大感動, 講實在, siáng 袂 án-ne ah? 我決心毋愛 koh 想出海 ê 代誌, 欲照阮老爸 ê 意思, 留 tī 家鄉. 毋過, 天 ah! 過無幾工, 這 tō lóng 烏有去 ah. 簡單講, 為著莫 hō͘ 阮老爸纏著, 有幾若禮拜我決心離伊遠遠. 但是, 我 mā 無像起初 ê 決定 hiah-nī 趕緊. 我等阮老母心情看起來比平時較好 ê 時, kā 她講, 我一心想欲看外面 ê 世界, 其他代誌啥 to 無愛做, 阮老爸上好是答應我, 毋通 kā 我逼走. 我已經 18 歲, 已經無適合學手藝 a̍h 做律師助手 ah. 我相信, 去學, 我 mā 做袂到期限, tō 走離開師傅, tō 走去出海. 她若勸阮老爸, hō͘ 我出海一擺, 等我轉來, 感覺無佮意彼, 我 tō 袂 koh 出去 ah. 我保證, 我會重倍拍拚, 來彌補浪費去 ê 時間.

這 hō͘ 阮老母誠受氣; 她 kā 我講, 她知影去 kā 阮老爸講這號代誌無路用. 老爸真清楚我 ê 利益 tī 佗位, 無可能答應這種對我有害 ê 代誌. 她感覺好奇, tī 我和老爸交談, 老爸 koh 對我講 hiah 濟溫柔 ê 話了後, 我那會猶 teh 想這款代誌. 她 koh 講, 總講, 我若欲毀害家己, 無人會鬥相共; 我會當肯定 ê 是, 我永遠袂得著 in ê 同意. 就她來講, 她 mā 袂出手參加我 ê 毀害; 免得以後我講, 彼時阮老母有同意, 雖罔老爸無.

雖然老母毋肯向老爸 kā 我求情, 毋過後來我聽講, 她 kā 阮 ê 交談講予伊聽. 老爸聽了真煩惱, 吐一个大氣對她講: 

"這个囡仔若留 tī 厝 ni̍h, 會真幸福; 毋過, 伊若到海外去, tō 會是全世界最不幸 ê 人: 我袂當同意."

一直到差不多一年了後, 我才走離開. Tī 這中間, 我堅持毋聽任何勸我學做生理 ê 建議, koh 定定和爸母爭論, 講 in 明知我 ê 興趣, 那會 koh 欲反對.

有一工, 我隨意來到 Hull, 彼時並無欲私底下走開 ê 意思. 毋過, 我人到 hia, 拄著一个朋友, 講伊欲坐 in 老爸 ê 船去 London, kō͘ 行船人 ê 方式唌我和 in 同齊去, 講我毋免買船票. 我無 koh 問阮爸母, mā 無寄信息 hō͘ in 知; 我想, in 早慢會探聽著. 自 án-ne, 我無求神 ê 保庇, a̍h 阮老爸 ê 祝福, mā 無考慮彼時 ê 狀況和未來 ê 後果, tī 1651 年 9 月初 1 ê 一个歹時辰, 這天公才知, 我 peh 上一隻往 London ê 船. 

我相信, 毋捌有少年冒險家像我 án-ne, 一下出門 tō lak-soe, 又閣 lak-soe chiah-nī 久. 阮 ê 船拄駛出 Humber 河, 隨拄著大風, 海湧懸 kah 驚倒人. 因為我毋捌出過海, 身軀和心情 lóng 有講袂出 ê 艱苦和驚惶. 這時, 我開始深深反悔我 ê 所做: 我作孽離開祖厝, 無盡囝兒 ê 義務, 今該當受著天公 ê 譴責. 

一切阮爸母 ê 好建議, 老爸 ê 目屎和老母 ê 懇求, 今 lóng koh 清楚出現 tī 我 ê 心內. 我 ê 良心猶無像以後 hiah 硬, 我開始責備家己, 無應該毋聽苦勸, 違背對天和對老爸 ê 義務.

這時, 風雨 lú 大, 海湧夯真懸, 雖然和我以後拄著 ê 大風浪無地比, mā 無像我幾工以後所拄著 ê án-ne. 這已經有夠影響彼時 ê 我, 我不過是一个菜鳥水手, 對這款代誌全然毋知. 阮感覺, 每一个湧 lóng 可能會 kā 阮吞食. 逐擺, 船像我所想 ê án-ne 降落 tī 海槽 a̍h 海窟 ê 時, 阮永遠都袂 koh peh 起來 ah. Tī 這種不安 ê 心情, 我一擺 koh 一擺咒誓 koh 決心, 如果神 tī 這擺航海饒我一條命, 我若會當 koh 跤踏陸地, 我 tō 欲即刻轉到老爸身邊, 一生毋 koh 坐船出海. 我欲聽伊 ê 建議, 永遠袂 koh hō͘ 家己惹這種苦難. 今, 我清楚看著, 伊對中層生活 ê 觀察真有道理: 伊 ê 日子過了 gōa-nī 輕鬆, gōa-nī 四序, 毋捌拄著海上 ê 風雨, mā 無陸地上 ê 艱苦. 我決心欲做一个懺悔 ê 浪子, 回頭轉厝, 轉阮老爸身邊.

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1.2

I observed in this last part of his discourse, which was truly prophetic, though I suppose my father did not know it to be so himself—I say, I observed the tears run down his face very plentifully, especially when he spoke of my brother who was killed: and that when he spoke of my having leisure to repent, and none to assist me, he was so moved that he broke off the discourse, and told me his heart was so full he could say no more to me.

I was sincerely affected with this discourse, and, indeed, who could be otherwise? and I resolved not to think of going abroad any more, but to settle at home according to my father’s desire. But alas! a few days wore it all off; and, in short, to prevent any of my father’s further importunities, in a few weeks after I resolved to run quite away from him. However, I did not act quite so hastily as the first heat of my resolution prompted; but I took my mother at a time when I thought her a little more pleasant than ordinary, and told her that my thoughts were so entirely bent upon seeing the world that I should never settle to anything with resolution enough to go through with it, and my father had better give me his consent than force me to go without it; that I was now eighteen years old, which was too late to go apprentice to a trade or clerk to an attorney; that I was sure if I did I should never serve out my time, but I should certainly run away from my master before my time was out, and go to sea; and if she would speak to my father to let me go one voyage abroad, if I came home again, and did not like it, I would go no more; and I would promise, by a double diligence, to recover the time that I had lost.

This put my mother into a great passion; she told me she knew it would be to no purpose to speak to my father upon any such subject; that he knew too well what was my interest to give his consent to anything so much for my hurt; and that she wondered how I could think of any such thing after the discourse I had had with my father, and such kind and tender expressions as she knew my father had used to me; and that, in short, if I would ruin myself, there was no help for me; but I might depend I should never have their consent to it; that for her part she would not have so much hand in my destruction; and I should never have it to say that my mother was willing when my father was not.

Though my mother refused to move it to my father, yet I heard afterwards that she reported all the discourse to him, and that my father, after showing a great concern at it, said to her, with a sigh:/

“That boy might be happy if he would stay at home; but if he goes abroad, he will be the most miserable wretch that ever was born: I can give no consent to it.”

It was not till almost a year after this that I broke loose, though, in the meantime, I continued obstinately deaf to all proposals of settling to business, and frequently expostulated with my father and mother about their being so positively determined against what they knew my inclinations prompted me to./ 

But being one day at Hull, where I went casually, and without any purpose of making an elopement at that time; but, I say, being there, and one of my companions being about to sail to London in his father’s ship, and prompting me to go with them with the common allurement of seafaring men, that it should cost me nothing for my passage, I consulted neither father nor mother any more, nor so much as sent them word of it; but leaving them to hear of it as they might, without asking God’s blessing or my father’s, without any consideration of circumstances or consequences, and in an ill hour, God knows, on the 1st of September 1651, I went on board a ship bound for London./ 

Never any young adventurer’s misfortunes, I believe, began sooner, or continued longer than mine. The ship was no sooner out of the Humber than the wind began to blow and the sea to rise in a most frightful manner; and, as I had never been at sea before, I was most inexpressibly sick in body and terrified in mind. I began now seriously to reflect upon what I had done, and how justly I was overtaken by the judgment of Heaven for my wicked leaving my father’s house, and abandoning my duty./ 

All the good counsels of my parents, my father’s tears and my mother’s entreaties, came now fresh into my mind; and my conscience, which was not yet come to the pitch of hardness to which it has since, reproached me with the contempt of advice, and the breach of my duty to God and my father.

All this while the storm increased, and the sea went very high, though nothing like what I have seen many times since; no, nor what I saw a few days after; but it was enough to affect me then, who was but a young sailor, and had never known anything of the matter. I expected every wave would have swallowed us up, and that every time the ship fell down, as I thought it did, in the trough or hollow of the sea, we should never rise more; in this agony of mind, I made many vows and resolutions that if it would please God to spare my life in this one voyage, if ever I got once my foot upon dry land again, I would go directly home to my father, and never set it into a ship again while I lived; that I would take his advice, and never run myself into such miseries as these any more. Now I saw plainly the goodness of his observations about the middle station of life, how easy, how comfortably he had lived all his days, and never had been exposed to tempests at sea or troubles on shore; and I resolved that I would, like a true repenting prodigal, go home to my father.

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